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Bass Ackwards
This past weekend was originally going to be a test of endurance, as it was scheduled to start Friday night in Jersey City, go through the night into New York City and then Queens, then back to central New Jersey for the evening, then Dover, Delaware Saturday afternoon, Wilmington, Delaware Saturday evening, and then back to central NJ for some, but for most, back to Long Island.
Well, it still was a test of endurance, but not nearly as bad as it sounds on paper. Friday night was a real Phenomenon, even if family duty kept calling for some, but New York City showed that it is a true melting pot, and a real cast of characters- even if some D-list pseudo celebrities are just too overwhelmed from their upcoming reading (straight from a script) to sign a simple photo. The night was almost too overwhelming for one member of the Clothesline Crew, to the point of him resembling one of the Soul Brothers on the Sussex show. Remember, folks- always keep hydrated, and never rely on Subway as a remedy to anything.
After a LONG Friday night that ended at 3:00 am, the entire crew was woken up at 7:15 am to the melodic refrain of “Here, kitty, kitty, kitty,” from a normally even keeled neighbor- who doesn’t even own a cat. Thankfully, this did not set a bad tone for the rest of the day. The morning was filled with mounds of laundry that somehow got washed, dried, and folded inside of five hours, a two year old somehow finding the drumbeat present on one of the ECW DVDs and doing a credible job of dancing to said beat, noticing Brett and Ron on several of those DVD matches, and a nice variety of Dunkin Donuts to compliment the Domino’s Pizza ordered and eaten at 2:30 am.
With a poorly rested, yet satiated Clothesline Crew still intact after surviving the Family Experience, it was time to make the almost two hour trip to Delaware for the afternoon events. Thanks to the unprofessionalism and overall stupidity of Combat Zone Wrestling changing its starting time to 4:00 pm, which guaranteed an actual starting time of 5:00, that show was scrapped from the itinerary. So driving to Dover, DE was out- congratulations, CZW, for driving away four potential customers with your inability to simply start a show on time- or even stick to a simple starting time.
This meant an even earlier trip to Seasons Pizza, and a chance to sneak into the St. Matthew’s Parish Center to fix a pair of shorts that were put on backwards with the owner somehow not noticing that through a 120+ mile trip down to Delaware. At least it was discovered before the early dinner and especially before the show actually started. Explaining a drawstring that’s in the back might be impossible to do to someone in a wrestling crowd.
One benefit, out of many, of arriving at 3:30 in Delaware was being the only group of customers in Season’s Pizza, which meant fresh food- well, as fresh as prepackaged and made in Delaware can be, and solid service from the waiter/owner, who was kind enough to turn the Yankee game on and continually ply the crew with non-stop refills of soda and Barq’s root beer. This bladder bursting service managed to distract from the marginal cheese steaks, boneless wings, but not so bad chicken quesadillas. The Yankees did lose, but at least there was no squabbling over the bill- not that there ever is with the original crew. And for anyone that’s looking for watermelon flavored gum that loses that flavor inside of five minutes- Season’s Pizza is your one stop for all of your gumball needs, as its machine manages to exclusively churn out only watermelon.
Nick managed once again to arrive late despite having the shortest commute to the building, and may be the only person even IN Delaware to order the Season’s Soup of the Day- a green and white concoction that looked like a viral outbreak under a microscope. The crew, four strong, and Nick, headed over to the Parish Center to wait for the doors to open at 6:00, which really flew by. Nothing exciting to speak of happened here, except that the line once again formed behind the crew and down the sidewalk instead of its normal route of snaking sideways along the building. Mega didn’t even bother to show up outside to scare the locals or devour any small children. Promptly at 6:00 pm, the doors opened- an uncomplicated concept, promptness…yet something some indys, and apparently CZW, are completely incapable of mastering.
The usual group of ECWA regulars were in attendance, as well as some of the ECWA irregulars. RF Video showed its sense of preparedness by dumping tray after tray of tapes on a wooden table and then being surprised twice when the table collapsed under the weight of the sure to be groundbreaking Shoot Interview with Hacksaw Jim Duggan, all the other tapes from feds big and small, and matches that were certainly fully copyrighted and where the author gave express written permission to sell through RF Video.
Thankfully, Paul showed up briefly in the entranceway of the gymnasium about 90 minutes after his Tracker was seen steadily going north on Route 4 and right past the Parish Center. He showed up briefly, wearing garb that matched the red and blue ECWA ring, then disappeared- most likely to discard or consume whatever he brings in that plastic bag to every indy show on the East Coast. Paul was very happy to meet some of the unannounced and unseen workers in the audience, like Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka, and Ron “the Truth” Killings, as he took his Seat of Death next to the recently departed Buddy Hackett and the even more recently departed Bob Hope. No medically discarded seat cushion was present.
The show started right on time at 7:00 pm, with a new ECWA video introduction and recap of previous events inside the Parish Center. Things started off on a troubling note, as Prince Nana appeared on the ECWATron and looked like a hostage reading demands at gunpoint. Somewhere in the segment he declared that a queen was to be crowned, but it was clearly written out in advance and didn’t play to Nana’s superior mic skills and ability to improv, so it just ended up as a real rambling mess.
Things didn’t appear to be getting better after that, as the first match was the Japanese Pool Boy facing the returning Brutal Bob Evans, who came back after a two year absence with some innovative moves but little else. Evans hit Pool Boy with a couple of variations on suplexes and slams but didn’t connect at all with the crowd and especially with Pool Boy. Pool Boy came out to Car Wash and mercifully ended the match with his version of the Pie in the Sky, aka a Thesz Press off the top rope onto a standing Evans. At least Pool Boy got the win and wasn’t buried on the roster after losing his Mid Atlantic title on the last card.
After this match, though, things picked up immediately as Billy Bax and Rob Eckos came out with their manager Carlton P. Hightower under their new moniker The Valedictorians, a nice way to play off their real world trifecta of all graduating from college. Resplendent in gold mortar boards and gowns, the Valedictorians took on Nick Malakai and Xero, who looked to have lost a little weight. Too bad he couldn’t have given it to Malakai, who turned sideways and disappeared from the ring on several occasions. Hightower continues to adapt at ringside, as he came up with some funny responses to the heel heat he was getting, but needs to broaden it to include more of the audience, instead of playing to a few smart asses at ringside. Spelling “valedictorian” starting with “F, U, C” is pretty funny, though.
Bax and Eckos look to have a nice run with this new gimmick, and there are plenty of ways they can go with it. It also helps that the two easily gel in and out of the ring, and play off of each other’s strengths. In this match, those strengths centered around bouncing off of Xero, but they managed to get the win with the Commencement, where Bax came off the ropes giving a neckbreaker to Malakai, who was held by Eckos ala Demolition’s old finisher- minus the elbow and five pounds of makeup. Cute move at the end of the match, as all the Valedictorians stood center ring and moved their tassles from right to left and tossed the hats in the air- just like a real graduation, which half of any wrestling crowd probably has never experienced (that’s a joke- send all hate mail to the e-mail address below anyway). This gimmick might not work on a big stage, but for the indys it’s going to really fly.
A newcomer to the ECWA was next, as Mike Fury and his busload of loyal fans, of which 90% won’t be at the next show, took on Mozart Fontaine. Mozart Fontaine is probably the most underutilized person on the ECWA roster, and this was really evident as he carried Fury to a great little match, easily the biggest surprise on the card, as Fury kept up with him and won with a Backlund rollup. But this match was all Fontaine, as he looked strong, played off the hope spots beautifully, and did a dynamite spot using two chairs, bringing both into the ring and using one while the ref’s back was turned to get rid of the other one. Fontaine’s an ECWA mainstay, and showed that he deserves his spot- not only here but on any roster.
Things then moved to the ECWATron, as Benny Stoltzfus and Mega both arrived at Trinity’s exclusive locker room door with flowers. Mega and Benny said more with no words in this bit than any angle found on Monday or Thursday nights in at least two years.
ECWA had its first time Rookie Roundup battle royal next, as all the participants were shown on the ECWATron listening to a pep talk from Kevin Kelly. Even though the winner was pretty obvious based on the program and the Web site, it was nice to see some new faces in Delaware, including Chris Idol, who just WON’T LEAVE for California already. The rest were only announced by their first names, making the whole deal sound like an episode of the Real World gone wrong. Louis as expected ended up being the winner, since he was the only name given prior to the card as being in the battle royal. Louis fended off elimination from Rachel and Puck, and won by tossing Eric from the Grind over the top, which further dented the floor already altered by the impact from three other guys in the roundup who most likely just took their first and hopefully not last bump over the top rope to the floor.
The Three Way match up was next, as Mike Kruel faced two guys he had already beaten in Low Ki and John Walters. Kruel smartly brought that up in the beginning of the match, only to get chopped to bits by Ki and Walters in retaliation. The best match on the card, but it was a little short. Kruel, true to form, worked his opponents’ arms the entire match, as Ki nailed Walters and Kruel with shot after shot. How Low Ki isn’t main eventing WWE PPVs is beyond comprehension, as he brings credibility to every match, makes the business look just the way it’s intended to- as a legit athletic contest, and gets even the most jaded fan involved in every match.
If anything, Low Ki’s lack of size would benefit any roster, as there are so many indy workers around his size that can work his stiff, fast paced style without getting hurt physically or having their feelings hurt being shown up by someone smaller, which logically means countless opponents, and a sound financial future for any company interested in making money. This is what the WWE should be looking towards, rather than booking chubby relatives in main events and getting glossy eyed over larger than life behemoths who expose the business, bloat themselves to laughable proportions out of ego and lack of self-esteem, and as a result can’t work their way out of a paper bag.
Back in the real world, these three clicked based on Walters’ ability, Low Ki’s brutal offense, and Kruel’s use of ring psychology. Kruel won using the most innovative finish in quite some time, as he rolled up Ki, who had Walters about to tap in his Dragon Sleeper finish. Just as the ref counted to three- Walters tapped. Great finish that takes nothing away from Walters or Ki and builds Kruel as a legit threat to any title.
The special Challenge Match was up next, as Mr. Ooh La La faced Trinity. Trinity has flat out the best body in her side of the business. The rest…Ooh La La carried this one with some funny moves, like trying to distract Trinity twice only to eat knuckles in response. Trinity overcame Ooh’s manager Carlton P. Hightower and his interference and won with a rollup- holding the tights. Great way to have the supposed babyface win- holding the tights to beat a guy that lost to Hat Guy. Did she consult Cheetah Master, who punched Mozart Fontaine in the face after their match on the last card? After the match, Trinity got laid out by Bax and Eckos and was carried to the back by her not so secret admirer Mega. Mozart avoided being punched in the face.
Intermission brought some interesting revelations, like how the Crew avoided monster traffic by leaving from central NJ. This came from the Bodyguard for Hire, who just about missed seeing his son Mike Kruel’s match with Ki and Walters. Mrs. Hire also wasn’t thrilled with the four hour drive down.
The first thing back from intermission was on the ECWATron, as Trinity was shown in the “queen’s chair” alluded to by Prince Nana at the beginning of the card. She slowly revived, and, rather than panic at the sight of six guys looming over her in a secluded area, decide to just chat away. Nana proclaimed that Trinity would be the Queen of Royal Decision, and Trinity, as only she could, begged to differ. Dazed sorority girl mannerisms do not benefit any potential queen.
It was then time, after three months of teases, for the debut of “He”- as in He is Coming. Considering the card was held in a parish center, it might have been impossible to live up to the expectations. But since the new character was to be aligned with Sebastian Night, there were hardly any expectations. After Night’s whining about the program spelling his name wrong- a sure sign and characteristic of a major league manager, Night pointed to under the ECWATron, where a mock cage entrance was set up, to introduce He. He turned out to be Cyco, a tall guy with a gray hospital orderly’s outfit.
Joey Maxx was Sunoco’s first opponent, and to solidify Maxx’s status as Dead Meat, was brought out to no entrance music. Maxx showed no fear, and squared off on Crisco, who no sold most of Maxx’s offense. Tyco used generic big man offense to knock Maxx around the ring, and hit his unnamed finisher, a version of a backbreaker. Sucko glared at people well, but didn’t do much else. The guy was built strong, though, as Joey was laid out in the ring and had to be helped to the back by a few refs and his brother Johnny, who was scheduled to work the next match.
The Royal Decision came out to defend their tag titles against Cheetah master and Johnny Maxx, but at first only Cheetah came out. Royal Decision, aka Ace Darling and Striker, endured the interminable ring entrance of Cheetah Master, which at eight minutes was enough time for Johnny to check on his brother, get a bite to eat, and get a haircut, but apparently no one told Johnny, who took even longer to get out to the ring to make the tag. During that time, Cheetah was slaughtered by Darling and Striker, who even had time to do a funny bit where Striker “forced” Cheetah to tag in Ace, who ran to where Maxx was supposed to be. They even teased the lockup.
Maxx eventually made it out to the corner to get the hot tag from Cheetah and started cleaning house- for about fifteen seconds. Ace and Striker showed they’re a polished tag team by disposing of Cheetah and taking out Maxx by hitting him with an Ace superkick which drove him right into Striker’s Lungblower, leading to the three count. Another hot finisher for Ace, this time in a tag, that begs for a name (the Royal Treatment?), and they come off as a tough team to beat by dismantling Cheetah and then easily handling his partner Johnny Maxx. ECWA has needed a solid tag team and they may have found one with these two- other teams can chase them for the belts for months as they build on a true heel stable in Royal Decision.
With the Royal Decision so far undefeated in competition, Nana bet the still “captive” Trinity that he would win the ECWA championship from Christopher Daniels. Trinity demonstrated her true diva skills in her “yeah, whatever” response, and her total lack of fear (or brains) by just sitting there on the “throne” without even attempting to walk away. Nana left Mega and Tyler Payne in charge of watching Trinity, but Payne forgot to give Nana his Mid Atlantic title, so it left just Trinity and Mega. Mega, continuing to show that he’s got a jones for Trinity, dramatically turned his back so she could finally (?) escape- but not before she bussed him on the cheek in thanks. Mega praying to the Ashanti gods in response to a peck on the cheek was a riot.
Prince Nana came out with his Royal Decision entourage (sans Mega, of course) to take on Christopher Daniels in the main event for the ECWA Heavyweight Championship. Daniels has been booked in the best fashion in his six month title run, using him to get people over in a new fashion like Pool Boy and to showcase the ECWA title as the premiere title in the indys. This was an interesting matchup, as Nana is just beginning to get established as the fed’s top heel, so a loss here might knock him down a few pegs, and it was important that he finally break away from Cheetah Master and follow another program.
Daniels came out to the hottest ring entrance in the indys, with Marilyn Manson’s Disposable Teens pumping out of the parish center’s speakers and just about everyone in the building popping for him. It only took a few months, but he’s a full blown babyface now- and he does it beautifully. One of the best things about Daniels is that he is booked as a smart face or heel, not easily fooled or duped, and knows his surroundings. Daniels showed that he’s no dummy right off, as he assessed his situation and handled things well until half the face locker room emptied to clear ringside of Royal Decision.
Now that things were evened out, Nana proved up to the task of hanging with Daniels as he did his running to the corner moves, a few sideslams, and overall heel tactics to show him as a credible challenger. After the inevitable ref bump of Paul Turner, Darling and Striker managed to make it back out to ringside to nail Daniels with the belt. Daniels did manage to kick out at two and 7/8ths, but the tide looked to be in favor of Nana getting the title…until Trinity ran out to ringside, hit Nana with a sort of missile dropkick move, and a nice looking Tornado DDT that allowed Daniels to lock on a submission for the tap out. Nice booking at the end, which kept the title on Daniels, adding to his already lengthy and deserved reign, pumped up Prince Nana as the top heel, since he can now claim that Daniels only beat him through interference (ignoring his own help as only a heel could), and used Trinity in the best fashion possible.
ECWA got rewarded with a hot crowd for their first summer show, and they delivered in spades for the assembled 350 or so by adding new characters, repackaging others, and making their main guys look like champs, win or lose. The new guys like Cyco might need some work, but the Valedictorians have a winner of a gimmick. ECWA proved that they’re the fed to beat in the indys, as they stay out of all the promotional wars by rising above them all on quality alone, and aren’t consumed with taking advantage of their fans with on or offline angles.
They return to the St. Matthew’s Parish Center on September 6th,
and the crew will be there once again- with everything in their proper
place, shorts included.
Complaints, comments, questions?? Email Jim
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The comments and statements
do not necessarily reflect the opinions of Brett Schwan and the Wrestling
Clothesline (although many times, he comes damn close!). Please
feel free to email HIM with any comments, complaints, etc.
Jim has been watching wrestling for over 20 years and has followed and reported on indy wrestling for over 6 years. He's also a fan of the New York Giants, New York Yankees, St. John's Red Storm basketball, Alabama Crimson Tide football, and the New Jersey Devils, but please don't hold that against him.
Contact Jim at BilJim2@hotmail.com
