 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
Back In Boonton
Once again, back after a lengthy absence. Hopefully things will get rolling again here on a regular basis rather than once in a blue moon.
Anyway, the JWA returned to the Elks Lodge in Boonton, NJ, this past Saturday, and the Crew was out in full force. Boonton was previously "famous" for the spot where Jackie Aprile, Jr. got whacked on the Sopranos, but lately it's been getting several wrestling shows at its little Elks Lodge, promoted by either the JWA or GWF. We've always had fun in one form or another at these shows, and last Saturday was no exception.
The Central Jersey portion of the Crew arrived around 3:30 in hill swarmed Boonton to find Brett and Frank sunning themselves in front of the Boonton Post Office. *shudder* Everyone parked at sat in front of the Elks Lodge waiting for Joe, so we got to catch up and say hello to Ethan DeSade who came over and shook hands, Joey Image, Ariel, and several others who were going to get their pre-show meals. Or tour downtown Boonton, who knows. It was funny hearing from Brett that horror master Wes Craven uses the term "Yikes!" and to hear how fast it is to get from Cherry Hill to Boonton, let alone anywhere.
Joe actually showed up on time at 4:00, and it was off to the Boonton Avenue Grille, where Joe immediately made friends with everyone there by walking in with his Boston Red Sox hat and T-shirt. JWA wrestler Bill Ding was already there waiting with Sienna Blaze and wrestler-in-training Victor, and probably wondering what he had gotten himself into. Lord knows Sienna sure was once we all sat down, being the only female there.
The Grille has become a really nice pre-show find for the Crew, as the place was pretty deserted, the Yankees game was on where they made a fantastic comeback in the bottom of the ninth inning to win, and Stella Artois was on draft- which means they have the cool Stella mugs. Always a favorite! The food was pretty good, too, and Joe made the smart move of not sending anything back while wearing his awful gear.
Two hundred dollars and a few excellent fried banana sundaes later, it was time to head back to the Elks Lodge, so the Crew followed the still smoking tire tracks of Sienna Blaze's car, who lived up to her surname of blazing out of the Grille with Mr. Ding (meet the guy- you'd call him Mr. Ding too) as soon as dinner was over. Another smart move.
A couple of us then took a trip to get more beer before the pre-show…err, show of Johnny Valiant which was scheduled to start at 6:00. A nice packaged goods place was found down the road and then the Crew realized how fun those hills are to walk back on uphill after about ten gallons of beer and food hit the system.
Valiant graciously must have decided to wait on us to return, as his routine didn't start until 6:10- in front of maybe 20 people, most of whom weren't really geared into a comedy routine. Oops. Johnny tried his best, and some in the crowd were agreeable, but it fell flatter than a pancake. Johnny mercifully wrapped things up at 6:25, and the show started half an hour later. It was honestly more rewarding to see The Great Cerenzio chase after his two year old girl in the ring.
Shelle the ring announcer, who helpfully provided us with her name halfway into the show, introduced the Great Cerenzio (w/out business cards), who started the show with his version of the National Anthem on a trumpet and did a respectable job. Seeing a wrestler in his gear playing the National Anthem ranks right up there with Joe Rules getting his head shaved in front of 15 paid in terms of surreal.
Della Morte (w/Luxurious Lynne, who thank GOD didn't wail at us the entire night with that Banshee-like voice) beat up Alexa Thatcher, who was seconded by Beth. Yes, just Beth. Maybe Beth from the KISS song. Certainly not Howard Stern's Beth O.- this one has a personality. But still…just Beth. Della, after frightening most of the Crew, drove Alexa into the mat with a Rikishi/Michinoku Driver for the pin.
Joey Image (w/out bathroom break beforehand) faced Erik Andretti next, but not before taking the time to alert the Crew about his gastrointestinal problems, which may be the first time in wrestling history a wrestler's tummy troubles factored into the match psychology- since the Crew was only too happy to let Andretti know to work Image's stomach the entire match. Erik was happy to comply by hitting Image with a stomach breaker, among other moves, which threatened to end the match in the worst way possible. Andretti won the match with a Buff Blockbuster off the top rope- but sadly, this wasn't the last the Crew would hear about Joey Image and his potty problems.
Ethan de Sade (with manager John Paul Damascus) was out to do his "Feats of Strength" display against Travis Blackchurch, who has one of the coolest names in wrestling. The display was…well, it was confusing, as there weren't any real Feats of Strength, and it was more of a match, which was more of a squash than an actual match. Ethan did toss Travis around like a rag doll for a short while and then powerbombed him hard enough to get a good bounce off the mat, after which Travis couldn't continue the match. Again- confusing, as it showed that Ethan the wrestler was strong, but it wasn't really a bunch of Feats of Strength, and not much of a match, either. Travis showed he could bump real well, it might have come off better if Ethan tossed him around the Lodge for a little longer until the match was stopped. The actual result didn't really benefit anyone involved.
Section 8 (w/ Major Burns) followed that match up with a victory over Matrix wannabe Brian Mitchell Foster (w/ Taylor Nicole) after a roll up pinfall. Foster had a different look, and got a little heat for his hairdo, which resembled a roadmap of Boonton and its vast hills and various sideroads. Section 8 wore military pants and matching mask, which brought questions of whether or not the mask was regulation, and why the military wouldn't come down on a certified Section 8 wearing military gear, but then again, the military's got enough on their plate these days.
Ariel wrestled Pryme Time Amy Lee next, but half the Crew missed most of this match up trying to pry a beer out of the Elks Lodge bar downstairs. Here's that rundown:
- going downstairs to get beer at the bar after the beer we already bought
ran out
- having the bartender ask us for our Elks member cards, which had us
almost in hysterics as there was only one person down there in the dinge,
and no one had ever heard of any Elks having member cards
- being told that the bartender would sign us in as HIS guests to get
two friggin' beers
- unfortunately being regaled with the ongoing saga of Joey Image and
his bathroom bonanza, as he apparently asked the bartender to use the
bathroom downstairs
- finally getting the two beers and returning to have missed the finish
of the match
(please don't tell Amy we missed the match, as she looks capable of causing a lot of damage)
Buttery Bert Williams (w/Kenny Casanova) defeated Harry Acropolis with the best finish the Crew has seen in months. You may remember Acropolis as the wrestler who nearly Avalanched Kevin Matthews' thigh through the mat at WrestleWeen two years ago. Harry hasn't changed- sadly, neither have his tiny tights. Bert must have the metabolism of a hummingbird as he was constantly ingesting the butter Kenny was spraying on him, but he was thinner than a Pixie stick. When the Crew saw Casanova spraying Harry's hands on the ropes, you just knew you were going to see something special.
"Textbook" Philly Madison (w/the same Spider Man gear he wore two years ago) & Max Gaeta (w/Joe Rules) became the new JWA-United World Tag Team champs after beating Hubie Volk and The Great Cerenzio (w/27 different doo-rags). Well, the new champs had matching tights, at least. Match was fine, nothing memorable- although the new champs are in dire need of tans.
Up next, Chocolate Boy Wonder, after some ribbing from the Crew about his problems with the cable company, returned to the Elks Lodge to win the JWA Wrestling Alliance World belt from The Hot Rocker, who is anything but. CBW has the funniest name for a finisher with his Sweet Tooth, but it was enough to get by The Hot Rocker, and his Unibrow…and gray tights…and torn shirt…and let's just move on.
Just G, in front of the "Clothesline motherfuckers" and three people who patiently endured the Crew for the entire show to see Mr. Just, got past Brodie Lee, whose name invokes the movie Mallrats as it starred Jason Lee, who played someone named Brodie, who was actually named after the lead character in Jaws. No, not the shark. The shark was actually named Bruce during production, as that was the name of director Steven Spielberg's lawyer. Or dentist. That's another thing entirely, and…oh wait, what the hell are we talking about here?
Bill Ding, fresh from a healthy dinner, defeated UWF World Champion Rockin' Rick Silver to become the new champion. Rick Silver must have hit an unknown artery in his forehead as he bled all over the place during the match, so this brought out Madison, Gaeta, and Joe (still bald after two years) Rules to even things up. Ding is just massive, even moreso in person. After the match, Silver took out Ding with a steel chair which clanged HARD off his head, and he also knocked around Chocolate Boy Wonder and even Sienna Blaze, which couldn't have helped those fries settle any better in her system after choking them down at dinner. Nice work here that kept heat on both participants.
Chris Maverick, after sliding under the ring and morphing (?) into the Tornado, pinned Corvis Expert My Ass Fear with a Tornado Punch and Tornado DDT. Neat ending which used two good moves that actually turned into a nice transition into a pin. Shame other wrestlers can't do the same, although there probably aren't many moves named after Harry Acropolis or G, just or otherwise.
The main event, twelve matches later (!!) saw the Diva Killaz (Miss Deville and Kayla Sparks) come out with Kenny Casanova to beat The Cindys (Cindy Rogers and Synndy). Cindy Rogers' line about Harry Carey was a funny start to a great match. Cindy Rogers is a really underappreciated talent in wrestling, and once the Killaz are old enough to get served they will go as far as they can in the business. Synndy was very very very rude with giving the finger and whatnot so the Crew kept warning her that they were erasing questions off of her 10 Questions With… during the whole match, similar to patrons taking more off of their tip for the night at a restaurant.
As usual, the Crew had a fun time. The JWA and all of its associates don't put on any false pretenses when they're running a show, which in this day and age of childish arguments that no one really cares about spill out all over the Internet, is very, very refreshing. That attitude carried over after the show, as JWA is probably the only promotion anywhere that requires the person who bleeds in a match to mop up his own blood. Rick Silver did it, but it's doubtful you'd see Shawn Michaels with a mop after an Elimination Chamber match. Kenny Casanova had a beautiful line after the show, saying, "You know what else you should bring with you? Some more people!"
The Crew and Joey Image.com went back to the Grille for a nightcap where we saw Kirsten Dunst's Frail Twin Sister arrive with her attention-whoring friends, making sure everyone saw them in the middle of the restaurant dancing to whatever was playing, so Joey was more than happy to indulge their pleas for attention by going over and taking a picture. Dunst the Dunce decided to get her malnourished back up so she came over to berate Joey for taking the picture which produced the classic conversation Brett already recapped in his review. It is wonderful being married after seeing the single scene in Boonton.
JWA- errr, GWF (thanks for the correction) will be back at the Elks Lodge at the end of October for WrestleWeen 2005, but for the Love of God, please have at least one intermission in there. Twelve straight matches was pretty tough- with Halloween candy in us it might be lethal.
-------
----
The comments and statements
do not necessarily reflect the opinions of Brett Schwan and the Wrestling
Clothesline (although many times, he comes damn close!) Please feel free
to e-mail HIM with any comments, questions, complaints, etc.
Jim has been watching wrestling for over 20 years and has followed and reported on indy wrestling for over 6 years. He's also a fan of the New York Giants, New York Yankees, St. John's Red Storm basketball, Alabama Crimson Tide football, and the New Jersey Devils, but please don't hold that against him.
Contact Jim at BilJim2@hotmail.com
