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Germ Warfare
This has been some week!
If you read and stupidly believe everything you read on the Internet, there's a new era of loose cannons, huge crowds, and wrestlers looking to "kill" people based on something written "anonymously" or otherwise on a message board or Web site. The only legit part of all that seems to be the huge crowds- since that was certainly seen last Saturday at the New York Wrestling Connection show in Deer Park, New York.
The rest of it? Well, Brian Pillman died eight years ago, so any so-called "shoots" on promoters, writers, or even other workers are just laughable rip offs. There's no such thing as a "loose cannon" when the promotion is in on the actual "work." As soon as the microphone is turned on, or the red light on the camera goes on, it's a work- no matter what it said or done. The ludicrous part is the people involved actually thinking that these "shootfabes" have a place on a card, or even worse- that they'll actually make money. So, unless the worker or promoter is dead set focused on showing other workers and promoters that they can't be relied on to be a good representative for the business, save them for the fantasy leagues.
The large crowds are a nice, new trend, but you can really just count the number of legit indy feds on one hand at this point on this coast. All the rest are just masturbatory promotions- just looking to jerk themselves off into being in or even a part of the wrestling business. If they don't draw on a regular basis, don't have a product people actually care about (i.e. aren't booking just to give themselves a laugh), and have an event that actually means money at the bank, it's all just smoke and mirrors. NYWC seems to have all three- you can probably look at recent results and see the jerk offs.
The day started with double haircuts and a welcome nap since Danny has now decided to wake up around 5:00 am for the past week and a half, and it's just not fair to ask an eight month pregnant wife to sit up with him. One bonus about being a guy and having an early wake up call on Saturday is getting a haircut- all good barber shops open at 7:00 am on Saturdays. Zip, buzz, clip, and you're done before breakfast.
And honestly, there's nothing to complain about concerning the ride from central Jersey to Long Island. The Belt Parkway through Brooklyn at times resembled driving over the Andes Mountains with all the bumps and crevices, but things moved along just fine. And to reiterate Brett's points- anyone looking to give Brett shit about not going to one of their shows now doesn't have a leg to stand on. It's an hour without traffic just to get to the Verrazano from his end, so add that amount of time to however long it takes to get to your show. Add even more during the summer, when all the bennies travel to this neck of the woods. Really- take the free publicity, the free outlet, and the free everything the site provides and leave it at that.
Everyone met up at Chez Brett, a.k.a. the Museum of Unnatural History, and took off for the BeachTree for a pre-show dinner. If Brett wanted to retire today, he could live off the proceeds from the various collectibles he owns until he's 110. Then he'd have to get a job again. So you'd think he could afford dinner at the BeachTree for everyone? Err, anyway, dinner was fine, with a ton of appetizers, but if you can't pull off a decent Philly cheese steak sandwich, then take it off the menu. The waitress with the nice caboose fit right in with the usual cutting wit at the Crew table, though, and the show was right down the street, so after a quick pit stop for gum at the 7-11, we were right on time to wait on line to get into the Deer Park Community Center.
The place is aptly named, as it seemed the entire community showed up to watch the show. At least 250, with dozens standing around behind all the chairs- if the business is in a down phase and they get 250, then when the business is booming, NYWC ought to consider putting their next show in Giants Stadium. Luminaries not mentioned in Brett's report include Dennis Quaid, Jeff the Drunk from the Howard Stern show who sat behind Ron, and Sloth from the Goonies, who must have been upset that Sean Astin didn't invite him to the Oscars.
Nick Vrona got things started, and the first match was Dan Barry, the NYWC Lightweight Champion against the Grim Reefer. On a side note- isn't that a bad name for a division? What's wrong with Cruiserweight? Calling someone a lightweight champ sounds like an indirect insult. Nice way to start the show, although Barry needs to fire his tailor. The tights worn in honor of being Irish only brought comparisons to the Miami Hurricanes with green on one side and orange on the other.
Highlights included Reefer planting Barry out of the corner with a piledriver out of a Tree of Woe, a mean superkick from Barry to Reefer on the outside, and Barry hitting a wonderful pescado into a DDT on the floor to Reefer. Unfortunately, Reefer took some great bumps but most of the time forgot to sell body parts- like when he drilled his shoulder into the turnbuckle and had no problem with it ten seconds later. But it was a great match that initially ended in a time limit draw, with Barry going for the pin.
NYWC commissioner John Curse came out in wrestling gear, which could set a disturbing trend (think of ECWA's commish in wrestling gear, stop screaming, and you get the idea), and stated that in honor of NYWC's one year anniversary he was asking for five more minutes. Reefer immediately got the upper hand and did a GREAT transition into a Crippler Crossface, but the time limit expired again just as Barry was tapping out. A good overall story was built around this match as Barry had it won but ran out of time, and the same thing happened to Reefer. They can follow that up in a variety of ways, since Barry offered a rematch at any time.
Curse came back out to the ring to announce a change on the card involving Mason Raige, which didn't sit too well with Raige, his overdeveloped latissimus dorsi, and his manager Crusher Doogan, so they came out to complain. Doogan showed off his training from Dean Malenko, who rarely spoke on the microphone, by speaking on the microphone and challenging Curse to a match with Raige with the commissioner's job on the line. Curse wins, Raige is out of NYWC and Doogan becomes Curse's…err, valet…but if Raige wins Curse is out of a job and Doogan is the new commish. Curse accepts immediately, but gets pretty much walloped by the larger Raige, who pins Curse after a Death Valley Driver.
Third match out featured Maniac Mike Mayhem, who had his won loss record announced for some reason, against Mike "M Tizzle" Tobin. Talk about a misnomer- Tobin is so white he's clear. Tobin's tights added to the confusion as they had "Tobin" on the back- is his last name really a selling point if he's referring to himself as M-Tizzle? Fast paced match with two good workers, but the elbow from Mayhem onto a rising Tobin looked like a big "whoops!" Mayhem channeled Kevin von Erich with a leg body vice on Tobin, which thankfully didn't get Brett started again that he met Kevin von Erich. Tobin won with a rollup.
The NYWC Interstate title match was up next. Dynasty Dan, his big cargo pants, and his baby oil challenged Dickie Rodz (w/Veronica Payne, who needs a name change). Rodz won the match but got laid out by Dan, who really worked over his knee. Veronica Don't Call Me Caine Payne looked concerned, but the NYWC staff clearly had no medical training. They pulled the guy up BY HIS KNEE to get him out of the ring, so even if you're feeling just a little under the weather at a future NYWC show, don't ask security for help! Dan Barry supervised the proceedings and did NOT DDT himself onto the mat.
Before the next match, Tyler Payne came out to lamely berate the crowd but struck gold as he spotted Marty Jannetty in the audience. Marty Jannetty! That was certainly out of the blue, but a nice surprise. Payne tried hitting some tired insults towards Jannetty in talking about his matches against the Oriental (sic) Express, and mercifully left out how he saw him wrestle Roger Waters and Playboy Dusty Rhodes. Payne did get in a good, cheap heat dig on Jannetty, asking him how it felt that he had to pay to see Payne wrestle when Jannetty's old partner Shawn Michaels was main eventing WrestleMania in a few weeks.
Payne mercifully, for Michaels' sake, left out how pathetic it was for Michaels to get inserted into a match he clearly doesn't deserve to be in, how despite his religious convictions Michaels continually displays one of the worst sins of Envy by refusing to concede his spot in the business to someone else because they might actually show him up by getting that earned spot, how it's obvious to even the youngest fan or the dumbest mark that Michaels continually plays backstage politics to keep that undeserved spot (Gluttony), and how all his backstage politics benefit only himself, since he really deserves everything he can get(Pride), and not the business that's given so much to him (Greed) and how despite Shawn Michaels' history of whining, sniping, undercutting, and abject refusal to actually be pinned by someone outside of his "clique" besides Steve Austin six years ago, his supposed newfound belief in God means nothing. When you look at the facts, the facts show that Shawn Michaels is a selfish, egocentric, undeserving, insecure asshole.
Anyway, Mikey Whipwreck came out and offered to have Marty defend his title against Tyler later on the card. Interesting way to get Marty involved, as it opened up the realms of possibility from Marty laying down for Tyler like Kevin Nash did for Hulk Hogan, or Mikey turning on Marty, etc., etc. Marty, being a good, prepared worker, of course had his gear with him, and he cut a nice rhyming promo on Payne, who sold it well by backing off into the corner.
They took a brief intermission to get the ropes down for the bunkhouse match coming up next. Ken Scampi and Spyder came out, in full gear, and took down the ropes. This is not a good thing, and NYWC isn't the only fed that does it. Having the wrestlers rather than a separate ring crew do ANYTHING involving setting up the ring during a show makes the wrestlers look like total flunkies and the company look like real cheapskates. Can you picture Christopher Daniels ripping your ticket, stamping your hand, or giving you a program before you entered ECWA's parish center? Of course not. Some young fans see wrestlers as larger than life characters, and watching Ken Scampi take down the ring ropes doesn't promote that image. Fine, Scampi's getting everyone to laugh, but how can anyone take him seriously down the road? "The guy adjusted the ropes, there's no way they're putting a title on him." Again, this is a bad indy trend- pay some schlub a few bucks to do ring crew. Protect what's left of the image of professional wrestlers.
After this quick intermission, it was time for the first ever No Ropes Bunkhouse Brawl. There have been plenty of bunkhouse matches, but this was the first in history to not only have no ropes, but actual farm equipment in the ring. Shovels, a wheelbarrow, and several bails of hay adorned the ring and ringside. So ostensibly this is right up Southern Vinny Stylin's alley, right? Time would tell…
Vinny came out with his faded Confederate flag and a size large ripped shirt, as the size was identified since it was thrown into the face of some wiseass at ringside. Said wiseass sold the shirt toss like Frank Drebin from the first Naked Gun movie with the pillow. Note to Vinny: Shirts have tags on the inside with cycle suggestions because you're supposed to WASH THEM. This was the first volley of germs that became prevalent throughout the rest of the show. The bails of hay didn't help matters for others, either.
Tony Burma came out- wearing boots, unlike his first meeting with the Crew at an ECWA show, and just beat the hell out of Vinny, using the hay, a shovel, and an air filter (??). Vinny of course took the ride in the wheelbarrow as Burma rode him off the ring apron to the outside, and he finished Vinny off with a Rock/Burma Bottom of a stack of hay for the three count.
Intermission #2 as they cleaned up the ringside area, administered Sudafed for those suffering from hay allergies in the crowd, and to put the ring ropes back up. The Crew took this time to check out the wrestlers signing autographs in an adjacent room, and two lucky Crew members were blessed enough to suffer through Sloth's asinine ramblings while they were waiting to get water.
Back at ringside, it apparently was time for responsible parents to let their seven year old and younger children wander around, as the Crew's reserved section became a makeshift day care center, starring Farina from the Little Rascals, and Andrew with the missing two front teeth and a face covered in Cheetos powder. At least, it looked like Cheetos powder.
Disturbed Damian Dragon came out with Foxxy Dreams to take on JD Lishous, and Farina earned his temporary seat by pointing out that Foxxy was "hot." We're not blind, kid, but hearing it from a seven year old is hilarious. JD looked like Matthew Perry after a brief stint in the Marines, and kept up with Damian, who had to be aching after wrestling in an outfit that looked like it weighed about 12 pounds. JD tried pinning Damian with his feet on the ropes, so Foxxy helped the ref out by removing them. JD took offense and grabbed Foxxy, pulling her up to the ring apron, but Foxxy dropped right back, throating JD right on the top rope. Damian followed up with the pinfall. Damian has a great look and a few hardcore fans in NYWC who emulated his appearance along with Foxxy's, and worked a nice match with JD, who told a neat story by not getting hit by Damian's usual finisher, a version of Sliced Bread #2.
Ru Star came out next before his tag match so he could complain that thanks to the Psycho Circus he was now tag champs with Wayne, who was his total opposite. If he was a total opposite, would that make him a chicken? Nice name- anyhow, Wayne (no longer the Convenience Store Guy?) came out dressed as Ru Star by wearing Tyler Payne's No Highspots Needed robe. Thief! Wayne IS Benji Bronk from the Stern show, but thank God has more talent.
They faced Affirmative Action (w/Prince Charles), who gave Wayne one hell of a beating. Meanwhile, Ru Star is milking the crowd to cheer for Wayne- his total opposite. Cheer? Strange…this brought Prince Charles up on the apron to distract the ref and toss brass knuckles to Lamar Braxton Porter from Affirmative Action. Tara Charisma could be heard in the back denying they were hers. Charles needs a meal, and Porter needs a more portable name. He also needed to hang on to the knucks better, as Ru Star got the knucks and nailed Porter- but did it right in front of the referee. Ru Star got DQed and seemed overly upset about it, considering he didn't lose the tag belts, but that paled in comparison to Prince Charles and his reaction, as he thought, based on some odd rationale, that his team was getting the belts on the DQ. Did he miss a meeting or his Booking Wrestling 101 class? Hell, Farina figured it out!
Before the next match, Mason Raige and Crusher Doogan interrupted the ring announcer so Doogan can do his first act as the new commissioner. Raige had Veronica Payne over his shoulders and they appeared to be prepared to do something vile. Is this kind of stuff in the commissioner's job description? That's one Day Planner to see:
09:00 - conference call re: Title IX changes
10:00 - piledrive Dynasty Dan
11:30 - schedule mtg w/Marketing
12:00 - Lunch
01:00 - calculate pension plan buyouts for the month of March
03:00 - meet Raige for powerbomb of Payne around 4:45
05:30 - Dinner w/board members (mention bringing back Casual Fridays)
Thank goodness Dan Barry made the save so we were spared Payne's…err, pain, but Barry, still selling the Crossface, got beaten down by Raige and Doogan, who were joined by Tyler Payne (some brother) and Ru Star, fresh off of his babyface mannerisms in the last match but now kicking Barry to death. Dickie Rodz came limping out with a chair- and this cleared the ring! Four guys, one who's about the size of Idaho, and a gimp with a chair who hadn't even gotten on the apron gets them to bail? WOW. They managed to save face, though, as Dickie did an unexpected heel turn and just LEVELED Barry with a chair shot to the head. One of the hardest shots the Crew has ever seen- Dickie cemented his heel turn by staring at a Crew member, ignoring the Crew member's questions about why he turned (did Barry mess up his hair highlights?) and just calling the Crew member "one ugly fuck." Well, no shit, Dickie- try something original!
Nuke came out after this with Tommy "Sexual Chocolate!" King to take on Ken Scampi (w/Knuckles Charisma but w/out ring crew equipment). Total squash, but should Nuke's gimmick really be one that emulates Xero and whose outfit reminds you of 320 pounds of watermelon chewing gum? Nuke got the quick win but then went after Tara. Spyder tried to make the delayed save (just turn around, Nuke!) with a springboard something, but Nuke caught him with a hard powerbomb. Tara did get hit with a pseudo Rikishi Driver, which brought out Mega. KFC for everyone! Mega knocked Nuke out of the ring with a swift martial arts kick (perhaps he conferred with the ref who wore the "martial arts boots" that looked like ballerina shoes) that belied his size. Mega hoisted Tara over his shoulders and went to the back.
It was then time for the main event, as Tyler Payne took on Marty Jannetty, with Mikey Whipwreck's title on the line. Jannetty came out to the old Rockers music and his circa 1993 ring gear. Whatever Marty's doing, he's doing the right thing, as he looks better now than he did in his prime. Tyler decided to remind Marty of the old days as he morphed into Larry Zbyszko, complete with the Seven Minute Stall. Marty debated with one ringside Crew member that the seven minutes usually turned into ten, but Tyler cut things short. Marty fought back from being blindsided and knocked Tyler out of the ring- and then did the fist pump!! THIS is wrestling!
To the outside, and Marty tried to toss Tyler into the ringpost, but Tyler reversed it and Marty took one hell of a good bump, flying three feet in the air. Throughout the match, Marty did the little things that kept things lively, bumping at one point like Ray Stevens after a shot to the corner. He even hit the Rocker Dropper! The ref did get bumped, which brought out a second ref, so Tyler, directly facing the new referee, punches him right in the face. Way to avoid the DQ! But it didn't matter, as Mikey came back out and put on the ref's outfit. Tyler got a chair and was about to hit Marty with it, but Mikey turned Payne around, kick wham Stunner, and Marty won the match, retaining Mikey's title.
For sheer nostalgia (which is probably the wrong word- Marty was on TV as early as five years ago), this was the match of the night. Marty Jannetty was a great choice to bring in to NYWC. If he ever had any demons, as Mick Foley alluded to in his book, they are not apparent these days. Hell, at one point in his career, you could have had Jannetty spit into a Petri dish and start a whole new civilization, but he looks fit and with it. Great job!
The Crew had to split up after the show since the day was fated to start early again with Danny waking up at 4:00 am, but three hours of sleep was probably the right choice to lumber through an eight year old's birthday party Sunday afternoon.
NYWC has a full schedule for the rest of the year, and for ten bucks you certainly get your money's worth. Discarding the hay, the thrown shirts, some unwanted views of some workers, and kids ignored by their idiotic parents, it's a fun time. Just bring some antibiotics.
Complaints, comments, questions?? Email Jim
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The comments and statements
do not necessarily reflect the opinions of Brett Schwan and the Wrestling
Clothesline (although many times, he comes damn close!). Please
feel free to email HIM with any comments, complaints, etc.
Jim has been watching wrestling for over 20 years and has followed and reported on indy wrestling for over 6 years. He's also a fan of the New York Giants, New York Yankees, St. John's Red Storm basketball, Alabama Crimson Tide football, and the New Jersey Devils, but please don't hold that against him.
Contact Jim at BilJim2@hotmail.com
