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Hair Loss, Bizarre Booking, 112=320, and Much Much More
Before the recap of the Summerbash and J-Cup shows, a list:
Total amount paid for both shows: $22.50
# of times Donald Fagen’s The Nightlife CD was played on the ride
up: Two
Total people reading this who know Donald Fagen: Maybe 11
# of those who like his music: None, unfortunately
# of hills in Boonton, NJ: 673
Minutes following the Boonton detour: Less than one
# of people “paid” for the JWA Summerbash: 25
# of people actually there (excluding workers, significant others): 15
Total recapped match results blown by Robert Payes: Two
# of bodypresses by Ariel onto fans: Two
# of mentions of Kevin Von Erich: 62
# of fans inadvertently punched in the face by Foxxy Dreams: One
Total thighs caved in on Kevin Matthews: One
# of people Matthews thanked from the Clothesline Crew on his way out:
Two
Total people Matthews has talked to from the Crew: One (but a nice gesture)
# of lbs. gained by Joe Rules since his #500 ranking in PWI: at least
40
Total chants for “Wrestling Clothesline:” Two
Amount of attention paid to the main event: Minimal
# of “insider” references at Summerbash from the crowd: Infinite
Size of waist necessary for championship belt: No more than 36”
Size of Hubie Volt’s waist: More than that
# of videos and DVDs bought from Dave Greco’s House of Tapes: Six
Total amount paid: $40.00
# of wrestlers breaking kayfabe at the J-Cup: At least eight
# of miles Zach Gowen needed to travel from the J-Cup he attended Sunday
afternoon to be at a PPV he was announced to be at as late as the night
before: 2,475
# of goofy novelty glasses worn by workers: One (by Popadon)
# of variations on Popadon’s name: Endless
# of people associated with Ring of Honor who invented the handshake:
None- so stop calling it the Ring of Honor handshake. It’s just a
fucking handshake!
Total cars dispatched to Queens before the show: Two
# of people they picked up and brought back to Garfield: None
# of reps of 315 lbs. by Havok in one gym session: 8
Recommended users of glasses worn by Shawn Sheridan: Children Ages 3-6
# of self-DDTs performed by Dan Barry pre-show: Four
Consecutive days EC Negro wore his “White Trash” hat: Two and
counting?
# of possible finishers in the Dan Barry vs. Johnny Ova match: Two
Average # of possible finishers in each Slyk Wagner Brown match: Three
# of fans “hugged” by Homicide: One
# of appetizers consumed at TGI Friday’s: Six- among three people
# of Marty Jannetty sightings at TGI Friday’s: One
# of dinners owed to the Crew from Ricky O: Two
The weekend of wrestling started at Summerbash in Boonton, NJ for the joint show sponsored by half the letters in the alphabet. The way to the Elks Lodge was blocked by an alleged car show, but there aren’t too many car shows that feature a Ford Expedition on three wheels. The detour offered by Boonton would have had drivers follow the arrows practically into Buffalo, so a little improvisation got the desired location to the Elks Lodge in no time flat.
A throng of 15 people were there to witness, among other matches, a hair vs. hair match between Rick Silver and Joe Rules. Luscious Johnny Valiant, showing none of the humor that has carried him through the twilight of his wrestling career as well as a second career in theater and stand up, was the special guest ring announcer.
The first sign of Valiant’s enthusiasm was his seated description of the first match as the “early bird special” between Chocolate Boy Wonder, complete with personally monogrammed Sixers jersey, and Dan the Man, complete with his Wear Jeans to Work attire. Wonder showed real babyface attitude and worked fine with Dan, who got him with a Downward Spiral. A good example of what to open a show with- nothing fancy, just a simple good vs. bad matchup to get fans into the swing of things.
Fans nearly swung for the door with the presentation of the next matchup, as Valiant, still seated and away from the ring- which negates half of his job description for the evening- announced the next match as “Here comes Somebody,” aka Tre Owens and T Bone, two of the whitest men ever to sport those names. They took on the Soul Brothers. Thankfully, Soul Brother #1 must have had some time with a defribbillator, as he appeared in better health than he was at the Sussex show. The No None of Us Are Black tag match took place and was won by the Soul Brothers with a rollup. Things progressed to worse as the Soul Brothers made sure to dance before, during, and after their match- and making extra sure to get their legs up high on the kicks.
At some point, Johnny Valiant took some time to get out of his seat away from ringside to talk with a young boy, which was actually a nice move on his part. It’s too bad he didn’t give the audience any glimpses of his humor, since most of the matches at the show were pure pseudo-comedy, but maybe he felt he shouldn’t upstage anyone.
Sienna Blaze was up next, taking on Pennywise the Court Jester, who wore a mask and had the worst breath imaginable. The masked Pennywise had little offense and took every one of Blaze’s armdrags and hurricaranas without losing his mask. Blaze wisely avoided headlocks on the masked Pennywise, and therefore avoided his pirate breath, and won with a sunset flip off of the second rope. No explanation or buildup was given for this match, but perhaps that’s for the best.
The next match provided most of the unintentional comedy for the evening, as GWF tag champions Harry Acropolis and Casey Koresh took on Philly Madison and Kevin Matthews. Acropolis resembled most pre-liposuction patients and dominated with sort of power moves, but saved the best for last when he pinned Matthews following an Earthquake splash- a move so nice he did it twice to the requests of Jersey All Pro’s Fat Frank and Ray Sager. The follow up splash was so hideously botched it sent one Crew member into hysterics on the floor and nearly sent Matthews’ thigh through the ring. A third splash might have sent more than Matthews to the hospital. Any ambulance cruising along down those steep Boonton hills was sure to add to the body count, so thankfully Acropolis and his too short tights went to the back.
Clothesline favorite Bill Ding then took on four men in a handicap match. Chocolate Boy Wonder came out with Ding, and watched Ding knock these four guys all over the ring. Ding resembles a shorter and larger version of Roadblock and doesn’t work outside of his obvious limitations. Post match, Yet Another Indy Goldberg hit a fierce spear on Wonder, who sold it through intermission, and had a face off/pull apart with Ding. It almost came off well, except the four guys who Ding had just slaughtered were right back in the mix- and helping Ding!
The JWA World title match was next, as Hot Rocker, a bad cross between Mikey Whipwreck and the lead singer of Loverboy, took on Grandmaster B. Rocker is not what you want representing your promotion, as he looked stale, out of shape, and brings nothing to a matchup that makes him stand out. Oh wait- maybe his inability to get his left foot over the top rope, after three attempts, to hit an elbowsmash can be a distinctive feature. Rocker wins with a rollup and a pull of the tights.
The hair vs. hair match was next (!) as Rick Silver took on Joe Rules (w/Luxurious Lynne and Patricia M. Steinman). Silver has a nice little offense, including a donkey punch, superkick, and sleeperhold combo that put Rules out for the count. Lynne and her voice nearly made a few ringsiders’ ears bleed, and her attempt to fend off the buzzing was thwarted by Ariel and Sienna Blaze. In the length of time it took to shear Rules, his hair nearly grew back. 15 people watching a hair vs. hair match is the definition of surreal.
Intermission had a nice visit from the Dirty Rotten Scoundrelz EC Negro, who was refreshingly out of character and showed a nicer, smarter side than fans are accustomed to seeing out of the DRS.
Damian Dragon (w/Foxxy Dreams and her right cross) worked the match after intermission against Just G. Dragon did a fine job carrying G around and outside of the ring while Foxxy sported a matrimony-testing outfit that defied description. Rollups were once again the theme, as G got the pinfall over Damian in some of the dumber booking you’re likely to see.
Chikara was the star of the next match, as Mike Quackenbush with several of his students worked a six man tag match. Gran Akuma, who nailed Quack square in the balls at the CSWF Flemington show a few months back, must have the best negotiation skills in the business, as he not only apparently got Quack’s forgiveness but got him to team with him against the Wild Cards, who resembled generic milkmen in their poor choice of ringwear. Their partner managed to top their clothing choice by wearing a black mask highlighted with what appeared to be a dildo poking straight out of its top. KC Blade had fun toying with the Wild Cards by not falling for their “fake high five” spot in their entrance, and got them so out of sync Fat Frank and Sager were shouting “Don’t Break Kayfabe” during the match.
Quack’s done a good job with his students, as Akuma looks like a solid worker and his partner Peter Frampton (w/the Worst Tattoo in the History of Body Art) kept the match moving. Not that there was much competition, but this was the highlight of the card due to its highspots that were all pulled off and were transitioned well.
A close second or third was Jay Zieg Owens, formerly Lord Zeig, defending his UWF title against Max Gator (? thanks to the fine near the ring announcing from Valiant). Zieg had the move of the night with the best bicycle kick in indy history onto Max who was coming off of the top rope. A fantastic finisher that looked like it nearly popped Gator’s head off. Zieg then headed out to follow the late starting Mets.
Ariel defended the Ladies title against Luscious Lily despite her near distractions from bodypressing appreciative and willing fans at ringside. Ariel hit move after move on Lily, who resembled at various times a melted candle or an Easter egg. The Jersey All Pro crew had a lot of fun during this match, with Fat Frank dropping his drawers at least once and hassling the cushiony Lily. Ariel won and again bodypressed one lucky fan out of his chair.
The main event had Hubie Volk take on The Great Cerenzio (w/unnamed cutie and w/out business cards he had three years ago at the Gilbert Memorial) for the GWF title. No DQ, falls count anywhere, and the worst comedy match in some time. The less said, the better, but Volk/Volt won and they redeemed it by having a good in ring celebration of him winning the title.
For $7.50, the show did its job. The convoy headed to the Crew’s Central Jersey stop to catch the end of Confidential, the best clip tape from any promotion ever, and a few Peronis to cap off a fun evening.
Morning broke, and Danny made his pre-show appearance, providing color commentary for Brett’s recorder for the J-Cup sight unseen, and perfecting his “Chickens” gesture to the delight of Brett and Frank. Apparently Frank made a nice impression on Danny- to the extent that Danny was shouting up the stairs for Frank when he went to get changed for the day. After a quick breakfast, the Crew was off to Garfield, NJ, for the J-Cup.
About an hour later, the Crew arrives in Garfield at the Boys and Girls Club only to see Lawrence Kleber and the Sturgis Party Van pulling out of the lot. Was the show cancelled? No- just two of JCW’s faithful attempting to salvage a botched bus trip. Thankfully, the Crew provided their own transportation. Because of the mishap, the show got delayed for about 20 minutes. Sturgis and Kleber found out first hand all about New York City’s weekend construction plans on the George Washington Bridge, and Devin Sturgis found out that it’s not the best idea to follow Lawrence Kleber, who could get lost in his own house.
After a 10 bell salute for Johnny Moyer, Joe the ring announcer got things started off by introducing Noel, Lord Clarence MacDougal, and Mike Berkowitz, who gave just about the flattest hype up for the J Cup they could. Maybe it’s not a good idea to script out the lines first?
John “Sure Thing” Shane got things rolling by announcing that rather than having Ace Darling and his Disciples take on Los Boricuas and Striker, he was going to pull some strings and change the match up. Darling is legit out with a staph infection, so this was necessary anyway, and a wise decision, since having an all tourney match card is not a good idea. The tourney matches always benefit from breaks in the action, but it was still odd to have a non-tourney match start the show. The Disciples, K Brawlik and J Static, took on Los Boricuas in a straight tag match that ended by DQ after Shane hit Warpath with a chair on the outside. Nice opener, even if Darling was sorely missed. K and J do some interesting power moves, but Static needs to be introduced to a man called Shhh as his voice rivals Luxurious Lynne’s in degrees of brutality.
After the DQ, the Dirty Rotten Scoundrelz (w/massive hangovers) hit the ring to double team Los Boricuas, only to be thwarted by the Solution, Havek and Pompadour (w/out goofy looking glasses), who not only ran them out of the ring but managed to take away all the heat the DRS got in the 35 seconds they were out there. Striker also ran out and, while challenging John Shane to a match later in the show, got the 112 in attendance really pumped up for the J Cup. Excellent mic work- and this guy doesn’t trust his mic work in a Friday’s??
The J-Cup then got started as Jay Lethal beat Rob Eckos (w/Mike Winner, who has the worst taste in strip clubs) with a Dragon Suplex (full nelson locked in with a bridge). The Lethal Family was in attendance at ringside. After the match, attendance was re-taken by the Crew and sure enough, it came out to 112 again, proving that Eric Was I Even At the Show Walker must be as blind as a mole, or goes to the same eye doctor as Eric Simms. Writing that 320 were “legit” there does nothing for JCW or your own credibility- which has enough problems of its own.
Homicide beat the Grim Reefer in the next opening round matchup. Reefer pulled off some great springboard moves and dove off the apron to the outside onto Homicide, but Homicide stuck to his game plan, that he used throughout the tourney, of intimidation and roughing up his opponents, as he clamped on the STF for the submission. If you’re looking for a great representative of the wrestling business, someone who puts his heart and soul into every match he’s in, just check out Homicide.
Next up, Dixie had his time wasted as he jobbed out to the Barbaric Berserker Jimmy Jacobs. Even the Claw couldn’t overcome the overwhelming offense of Jacobs that consisted of Tina Turner’s old boots and the constant yelling of “Huss,” which crapped right on any credibility the J-Cup was going for in its attempt to bring in the best representatives of the indys. As soon as the boots came out of his travel bag in the back, this guy should have been sent packing, or fed to Striker later on. Jacobs and his gimmick are fine, but this wasn’t the place for them.
Things continued to spiral down as Ruckus from CZW lost to Alex Shelly despite bringing out the best looking, most crowd pleasing offense in the first round. Ruckus bounced around the ring like a guy half his size, and got rewarded for his efforts by tapping to a front chancery in less than five minutes. Shelly is a good worker, and showed his worth in the next round, but the wrong guy went over here. Plus, the whole storyline of Shelly setting Ruckus up for the tap out by working on the arm was totally lost on the crowd, and apparently on Ruckus, who still pulled off cartwheels and flips with no problem or noticeable damage to the arm.
CM Punk then took on Sonjay Dutt and his picket fence hairdo and continued the submission theme of the first round by getting Dutt to tap out to a Sharpshooter. Dutt looked impressive here, which always seems to be the case for guys going out early, as they can showcase all of their stuff and not worry about repeating themselves the next round- since they’re not going anywhere.
Johnny Ova faced Dan Barry for the 83rd time, scoring the pinfall after a third attempt at the Irish Car Bomb had Barry lose his footing and fall off the top rope. Probably the best match of the first round, but the most horrifically booked. Barry hit on his second try at the Irish Car Bomb, which is a moonsault combined with a fallaway slam- one of the best, most devastating looking, truly credible finishers in the business. But it didn’t get the pinfall?? Ridiculous. Barry DDTed himself in frustration after the match.
Showtime Shawn Sheridan just barely escaped with his life against Deranged in the next matchup. The 135 pound Deranged beat the absolute living daylights out of Sheridan the entire match, bloodying his lip, chopping the skin off of his chest, and nearly taking his shrunken head off with a few- OK about 27, forearms to the face. Deranged looked VERY GOOD here, showing a new stiff style that goes well with his highspots and flying offense. How Deranged was able to hit that tiny pea head of Sheridan’s is a mystery, though. Sheridan pinned Deranged with a gorgeous Silver Bullet- a side suplex into a twisting uranage that you can see on his own ProBoards at <http://triplesh.proboards22.com>.
In the final first round match, Slyk Wagner Brown (w/April Hunter) beat Dave Greco, who will provide his own commentary on this site in the next few days. Greco, who is much too hard on himself, worked a perfectly acceptable match considering his knee looked and must have felt like 12 pounds of raw meat. However, most of the 112 there were NOT aware of the prior knee problems, so the story and psych were lost on everyone. Slyk should have worked the knee once he found out about the injury- too bad that came during the match. They also could have set it up in the mic work done by Noel, MacDougal and Berkowitz at the start of the show. There was a lot they could have done there, come to think of it.
Ultimate Fighter Jay Lethal and CM Punk started off the second round in a decent matchup. Lethal’s previously unseen submission abilities were showcased here, as he got Punk to TAP OUT to a Fujiwara armbar. CM Punk is the last worker you’d expect to see tap out to anyone, as it just doesn’t fit his gimmick or in ring personality. Look at it this way- can you see Raven tapping to anyone? If that wasn’t bad enough- Punk got on the mic and put over Lethal! This not only gave away the winner of the J-Cup, but totally killed Punk’s aura. A simple handshake and hug at the end of the match would have accomplished the same thing. What’s next, Homicide giving out hugs? Well…
Homicide slapped, punched, chopped, and kicked Alex Shelly all over the Boys and Girls Club, the ring, the ring ropes, and on the mat on his way to winning their second round match with a Snow Plow. Shelly took the beating like a champ and learned that when Homicide expects you to be in a certain spot, BE IN THAT SPOT.
Jimmy Jacobs beat Showtime Shawn Sheridan after the second best boot to the face of the entire weekend. Too bad that was Jacob’s highlight of the tournament. Sheridan, who rarely dwarfs anyone, towered over Jacobs and was forced to sell offense from a five foot tall guy who looks like he raped a ski lodge to get his boots. Credit Sheridan for putting the company first and doing the job, but he deserved better. For a guy whose abilities are in direct contrast to the size of his head, Sheridan was solid here and made the most out of the situation. Laughably bad booking.
Slyk Wagner Brown (w/April Hunter) had the best match of the whole weekend with Johnny Ova, who came off a great match with Dan Barry. Slyk took advantage of his size differential and pulled off some great power moves interspersed with flying high spots- like a standing moonsault on the ring mat after a press slam to Ova. The finish was the Holy Slyk, a modified Razor’s Edge into a Falcon Arrow that popped the crowd. Slyk stole the show at this year’s J-Cup, but he was closely followed by Johnny Ova.
With the bad taste of Jimmy Jacobs and his second round win still fresh in the mouths of the 112 present, JCW decided to send him right back out there for his semi-final match against Jay Lethal. Here is where Striker’s match or even an additional match could have taken place to break up the tourney a bit. The only caveat to that is with 16 J-Cup matches it makes for a LONG card. Lethal won with his Dragon Suplex that looked like it nearly twisted Jacobs’ head off his shoulders.
Homicide then took on Slyk Wagner Brown (w/April Hunter), and they brawled all over ringside, including a whip into one handsome, tortured soul who’d already been bodypressed by Ariel and clocked in the face by Foxxy Dreams that weekend. Despite Slyk’s best efforts, the chair wouldn’t tip over, either. Once back in the ring, things deteriorated, though, because of at least two blown calls by the referee. Once the pinfall was actually made by Homicide on Slyk, Homicide sprang right up and LEVELED the referee, who looked to have missed counting three on two pin covers from Homicide. GREAT move from Homicide, and here’s why…
Professional wrestling is by its very nature a physical business. People pay to see men and women settle their differences through violence- punches, kicks, highspots, power moves, and submissions. When these same people are right at ringside and clearly see that something was blown, and blown at least twice, they expect it to be dealt with in exactly the fashion Homicide dealt with it. It fit his character, it showed his take charge skills, and cemented his status as teacher and ring general. All of the best aspects of Homicide the teacher, worker, and professional wrestler were shown at the J-Cup, but especially in the five minutes after his match with Slyk Wagner Brown.
And in case anyone didn’t figure it out already, the referee knew it was coming and sold it beautifully.
Striker came out next for his scheduled match with John Shane. Shane apparently suffered a torn hamstring that didn’t prevent him from running around the ring while he was on the mic but apparently was enough to keep out of his match with Striker. The ever versatile Shane managed to prepare for his match with Striker by doing squat thrusts, tear his hammy doing said thrusts, get that diagnosed, call England, and get Johnny Storm over from England inside of four hours. John Shane needs to organize YOUR life.
Striker and Storm worked a great match that had a lot of intentionally funny comedy spots, unlike the show the night before. The powder Shane brought and threw into the ring raised a few eyebrows back home after the show (“Why do you smell like baby powder? A homicide fell on you, too? What does that mean?”), but the double stretching was a funny payoff. Striker won with the Lungblower, but was attacked by the Disciples of Darling after the match. Los Boricuas made the save. Good showing from Striker and Johnny Storm.
In the J-Cup final, Jay Lethal beat Homicide after raising his shoulder off the mat in what turned out to be a double pin off a side suplex. Homicide did his usual fine job of telling the story in this one, pushing Lethal around and being ever the bully. Lethal did his part by pushing Homicide to wrestle instead of boxing and biting, and got his point across without coming off as a whiner. Homicide responded with stretches and nearly pulling Lethal’s lips off the side of his mouth.
After knocking Lethal around, Homicide’s “cockiness” caught up with him, as he hit a third side suplex, dropping Lethal on his head one again, but this time Homicide held him for a pin. Lethal managed to get a shoulder up, so Ref Garry counted the three on Homicide, who this time used his Coping Skills and didn’t drive Garry’s head into the floor. The finish was lost on everyone there since Lethal’s shoulder didn’t appear to be up, and the double pin spot taints the win for Lethal, who deserved to go over clean and didn’t.
As usual, though, Homicide saved the day, showing realistic frustration at not winning the J-Cup, which put over the Cup but also put over Lethal. Homicide did the same thing when Mafia beat him for the JAPW title a while back, and Danny “Mafia” Maff has done nothing but benefit from that rub ever since. The locker room emptied to prevent Homicide from smashing the trophy- er, Cup, and Homicide held them and the crowd in the palm of his hand. As expected, though, Homicide shook hands with Lethal and helped him celebrate his grueling victory after four matches to get the J-Cup.
After four and a half hours worth of matches, it was then time to hang out with the same people at TGI Friday’s off of Route 17 South for a three hour pay-per-view. Most don’t spend that much time with people contemplating suicide. After seeing some of the best workers in the indys and Shawn Sheridan at the J-Cup, everyone settled in (emphasis on settle) to watch Summerslam, which was like ordering steak and getting Spam.
Friday’s didn’t disappoint on the appetizers (a Tower and a Three For All) and its Peppercorn burger, even if the waitress/bartender couldn’t tell the difference between a Coke and a Sprite. Unfortunately, after two matches into Summerslam, and seeing the return (again) of Stephanie Jannetty to throttle Sable the Leatherfaced Skank over the stealing of her Ring Dings or whatever reason that kept John Cena, Charlie Haas, and several others off the show so they could continue this all important angle, it was time to go face the real world once again and the Monday commute that loomed 12 hours away.
Congratulations to Jay Lethal for earning his J-Cup and showing that hard work and giving the fans and the promotion what they want does pay off. Congratulations also to Homicide for putting it all over with his attitude both during and after his matches. Slyk Wagner Brown should also be commended for working three solid matches and giving us the match of the weekend with Johnny Ova.
Next Column: Ticket Sellers and their “contribution” to the
business
Complaints, comments, questions?? Email Jim
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feel free to email HIM with any comments, complaints, etc.
Jim has been watching wrestling for over 20 years and has followed and reported on indy wrestling for over 6 years. He's also a fan of the New York Giants, New York Yankees, St. John's Red Storm basketball, Alabama Crimson Tide football, and the New Jersey Devils, but please don't hold that against him.
Contact Jim at BilJim2@hotmail.com
