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WrestleWeen - Featuring the Best and Worst Ever
The GWF held their second annual WrestleWeen this past Saturday in Boonton, NJ, and showed that it’s sometimes better the second time around- even if you didn’t see the first one.
The Clothesline Crew with its extended members met up at the Elks Lodge around 5:00 to find a pre-show dinner. While everyone was serenaded by Robert Payes’ cell phone, we all found a really, really good restaurant. The Boonton Avenue Grill had great food, loads of booze to choose from, a waitress with infinite patience and a good sense of humor, and college football on every screen- even ones that were showing NASCAR. Robert and Larry Kleber were treated to the Crew in full force and were enlightened by several stories about the various shitbags and losers that permeate and wish they permeated the wrestling business. The classic Ordering of Pizzas At the New Jack City Show In Long Branch story was also told for the umpteenth time- and it never gets old.
Smartly, the Crew hit their ringside seats early, or they would have been lost. The crowd, originally counted as 26, kept increasing until it finally maxed out at 49 people. With Ring of Honor running 45 minutes away in Elizabeth, that’s not bad, considering there wasn’t a real “name” worker on this show. The 49 in attendance did not include luminaries such as Wenzel, Tommy Rich’s #1 Paying Fan- Eric Shaeffer, Gerry Strauss, the Statue of Liberty, Shawn Alexander, Rubik’s Cube, the Fog Machine, Baby Zoe, Slyk Wagner White, Cindy Rogers’ Evil Twin, Elphaba, Sherri Martel, and Outback Jack. And they all managed to fit into the Elks Lodge!
Gerry Strauss (w/out blazer and belt) came out to welcome everyone and endure hassling from five smartasses in the audience for the entire night. In the opening contest, Erik “Get it Up” Andretti faced T-Bonz, who wore his Great Pumpkin tights. This was a real nice opener in terms of psychology, as Andretti worked T-Bonz’s leg the entire match- and T-Bonz sold it, a concept that is lost on so many workers, including the ones in the WWE. Bonz came back and hit an F-4 and a Half, but it wasn’t enough as Andretti won the match with his feet on the ropes for the pinfall.
Up next was the Bill Ding Bodyslam Contest. For those who don’t know, Bill Ding is probably about 450 pounds, so a spur of the moment decision by one Crew member to not enter the contest after emptying his pockets (a 20 minute process) was in retrospect a wise one, especially after seeing Ding land on one of the hapless contestants. The Crew member’s wife was grateful, too. Ding was seconded by Rerun, a.k.a. Chocolate Boy Wonder, the hardest working guy on the card. He must have been out there participating in at least three-quarters of the action on the program, but it never got old or obvious since it was done out of necessity due to the dearth of workers on the card, lack of faces available to help with the contests, and Boy Wonder’s infectious enthusiasm. See, that’s the difference between this and someone just going out there several times just to be out there. No ego, just eagerness. Triple H and a few indy workers should take note.
Of course, no one was able to slam Bill Ding, even the worker dressed as the Hulk, a.k.a. Greenberg. The Worker in the Spider Man Shirt with the Stupid Book took umbrage to Bill Ding and his massiveness, and vowed that if he couldn’t beat him he would BE him. Kitchens around the area trembled in fear.
Inferno (w/ no Noel who was advertised, didn’t show up, and apparently was unable to contact the promoter) faced the worst La Parka impersonator in wrestling history. Unless the 49 there were expected to believe La Parka gained 50 pounds, lost all his talent, and forgot all his signature moves, this was embarrassing. Christ, at least pretend a chair is a guitar. Inferno tried, he really did, but this was pretty bad. He got DQed for using a chair when he should have been given a medal. The guy drove, according to Mapquest, 18.9 miles to face this?
Bill Ding was back out next to face his challenge from Spider Man and his Dumb Ass Book. In keeping with the Halloween and WrestleWeen tradition, the guy came out dressed like Bill Ding, complete with padding, wig, and no book. Thank God! And believe it or not, the original Bill Ding outworked the guy not even half his size, pulling out a T-Bone suplex and a spin kick. The guy is 450 pounds! Unfortunately, he didn’t win the match, as Book Boy hit a moonsault where his face landed on Ding’s knee, to get the pinfall. No way Ding should lose to anybody on this roster.
Dave Delicious returned to the GWF roster to defend his Lightweight title against the Great Cerenzio (w/goofy facials). This was probably the best wrestling match on the card, as Delicious flies all over the place and Cerenzio bumped in response. Both guys got banged up in this one, most notably Cerenzio, who popped his elbow off of a leg drop over the top rope. After Cerenzio drove Delicious into a chair in the corner, Delicious made the comeback to score the pinfall off of a rollup. The referee, who worked every match on the card up to this point, was asked why he didn’t just stay out there instead of running to the back and then coming out again. His response? “I had to pee.” Classic!
Intermission!! Nothing exciting- but Nestle makes some mighty fine water.
Just G and AC Smooth (w/helpful studded jacket so people knew his name) kicked off the second half of the card. Smooth and his missing sideburns were accompanied by a fat, tall bodyguard apparently in his third trimester. Smooth and his bad haircut were better than they had any right to be, pulling out some nice moves, even if he sported the largest Mohawk in modern times. Smooth tried to use a chair on G, who moved so the chair hit the Gestator. The Bloated One then proceeded to take the Worst Bump In Wrestling History, not even bothering to sell the move as he ever so gently parked his fat ass on the ring apron, then stood on the floor. Just awful- and it almost distracted from the finish, as Just G his flapjack on Smooth for the three count.
Up next was the Monster Rumble, complete with some pretty funny gimmicks. Chocolate Boy Wonder was in this, of course, and got some good height on his running dives into the corner. Participants included Eric Cartman (T-Bonz), Godzilla, and the winner, Captain Condom, who turned out to be the referee that worked Every Single Match So Far On the Card. Him and Chocolate Boy Wonder must eat nothing but energy bars.
The epidemic of female no shows continued, which forced the cancellation of the women’s match on the card, so it was time for the Fan Costume Contest. It was cute seeing several kids decked out in toss offs from the rumble, which made for some real makeshift costumes. Either that, or they went out and robbed a few stores on the way to the Elks Lodge. The Crew, despite some being in some form of costume, did not participate. Brett came as the Hardest Working Fan in Wrestling, Larry came as Lord Alfred Hayes, a.k.a. himself, but Robert Payes won the Crew portion of this contest as, according to him, “By the time I got to the store they were out of fan costumes so I dressed as a smark.” Ring of Honor is that way, Robert.
The actual contest was won by Tinkerballs, who received one ticket to
the next show on December 20th as well as an empty piñata, presented
by Rerun and Ethan, who had the Worst Tights Ever. Yes, worse than Ace
Darling’s!
The main event was supposed to be Hubie Volk against Don Montoya, but
Don also got the No Show Blues. Instead, Volk and his Teeny Tiny Championship
Belt faced both Joe Rules and Rick Silver (w/lame mother jokes). Volk
has some surprising agility, but Rules and Silver wish they were Abbott
and Costello. Nothing to see here, folks, just move along… Volk won.
Thank God.
Overall, an entertaining card, for all the right and wrong reasons. To their credit, everyone in GWF isn’t trying to be the next big thing, and kept things fairly family oriented. No matter who they were on the card, they all looked like they were having a lot of fun, and that’s what it’s all about. They Got It.
If you want to Get It, they’re having their Snow Brawl back in Boonton
on December 20th.
Complaints, comments, questions?? Email Jim
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The comments and statements
do not necessarily reflect the opinions of Brett Schwan and the Wrestling
Clothesline (although many times, he comes damn close!). Please
feel free to email HIM with any comments, complaints, etc.
Jim has been watching wrestling for over 20 years and has followed and reported on indy wrestling for over 6 years. He's also a fan of the New York Giants, New York Yankees, St. John's Red Storm basketball, Alabama Crimson Tide football, and the New Jersey Devils, but please don't hold that against him.
Contact Jim at BilJim2@hotmail.com
