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JAPW CounterStrike Recap
By Robert Payes
Friday afternoon, I call up Tommy Hunter (my fellow smark and partner-in-crime in Verbal Abuse, a/k/a “The World’s First Heckling Tag Team”), and, doing my best Baldrick from BLACKADDER impersonation, drawl “Me lord, I have a cunning plan.”
“Talk to me,” Hunter replies.
“Well, Jersey All-Pro’s running their 'Counter-Strike' show at Center Circle in Rahway tomorrow, and we have a chance to see it at ringside and diss the wrestlers as only Verbal Abuse can. But there’s a catch.”
“Which is?”
“Well, they’re offering a free bus to Rahway for the cost of ringside tickets. But it leaves from midtown Manhattan. Which means we’d have to drive in from Jersey, park, and take the bus *back* to Jersey." (I said it was a "cunning" plan, not a sensible one...)
Hunter said he'd get back to me if his plans for the weekend fell through. Which they did. So at 3 PM that Saturday, we left Tommy's place in Wayne, shouldered our way through the Lincoln Tunnel, bit the bullet on midtown parking, and joined the crowd of wrestling fanatics occupying the steps in front of the Manhattan Center on West 34th St. This included Low Life Louie Ramos (our JAPW "tour guide" of sorts), half of the "Lyndhurst contingent" (some equally loudmouthed fans I first encountered at the final IHPW show), and one hilariously unrepentent white supremist. The bus, scheduled for a load-on at "5 PM sharp," finally pulled up to the curb at 5:30. We all piled on, indulged in some clandestine adult beverages, attempted to watch an old Starrcade tape on the bus's video system, and generally had a raucous good time.
Upon arriving in Rahway, we congregated outside the bus while waiting for our tickets -- and who should come out to greet us but the Dirty Rotten ScoundrelZ, in full mufti and sporting their JAPW Tag Team belts. The shorter of the two (KC Blade, if I'm not mistaken) starts trash talking Tommy, who -- being the rabid-pitbull smartass that he is -- was having none of it. In wrestling terms, Hunter basically no-sold the Scoundrel'z insults while matching him jaw-jack for jaw-jack. Call it a "dark match" for what we would do later on. Eventually, we were summoned inside to get our $20 "Golden Circle" tix -- which were for the *second* row. Fortunately, with a little judicious squatting and folding-chair shifting, Verbal Abuse wound up right against the barricades where we belong.
This was my second time in Center Circle (first time was the Cyberspace show the previous month), and immediately I noticed some improvements on JAP's part. For starters, they'd brought in their own PA system to counteract the Circle's HORRENDOUS acoustics; it didn't eliminate them, but it sure helped. They'd also set up a proper entranceway with lights, a black-curtained corridor, and the Prime Time Wrestling metal entranceway. One thing they DIDN'T solve was the ventilation problem; even with wind-tunnel-grade fans surround the ring, the heat and humidity were real enthusiasm-flatteners.
Speaking of PTW, their Denise Hoopes and Eric Rosen were manning one of the vendor tables; we also spotted several Bodyslam Wrestling alumni (Justin Cage and Lady Rage) and Lawrence Kleber's girlfriend ("She-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named-In-Print-Except-By-Lawrence"), who gleefully informed us if we wanted front-row seats to future JAP shows, talk to her first. (As I said: cunning, not sensible...) Also reportedly in attendence: Low-Ki and Scott the loon from TOUGH ENOUGH. Al Snow was doing a meet 'n greet by the entrance; treating myself to a markout moment, I shook his hand, welcomed him to New Jersey, and posed for a Polaroid. (Note to Eric: when you see the shot of me and Uncle Al, I don't EVER want to hear the words "unflattering photo" eminate from your lips again! [grin])
The show starts with some opening comments from the ring announcer and JAP's commentator "Da Bald Guy," whose moire-pattern shirt prompted me to yell "YOUR SHIRT'S GIVING ME AN ACID FLASHBACK!" -- earning a "yeah, you got me" smirk from Baldie. (First blood for Verbal Abuse!) Current JAPW Heavyweight champ Mafia comes out and cuts a nice promo honoring his late dad, which is interrupted by the Dirty Rotten Scoundrelz, who mock him out and threaten the arrival of "La Familia" before the refs separate the two. On to the matches:
CORVIS FEAR w/CHURCH vs. EDDIE THOMAS
Fear (a/k/a "Roach") and Thomas are both mainstays of Bodyslam
Wrestling; Church (with newly-shaved dome) is Prime Time's head guy. This
was supposed to be the first of four elimination matches for the JAPW
Light Heavyweight title, but several minutes into the match, a quartet
of heels invaded the ring and laid waste to both wrestlers. (I found out
later the fearsome foursome consisted of Mega and Slugger ("The Skyscrapers"),
Johnny "Cheesesteak" D., and Alison Danger, sporting a skunk-stripe
hairdo.) They powerbombed both Thomas and Roa...er, Fear through tables
at ringside. There was a scary moment when Thomas missed the table and
hit the floor, but he was OK and they did the spot again (this time, the
table bent but didn't snap). So the four-way for the LHW strap becomes
a three-way. Onward:
NICK BERK vs. RUCKUS
Part 2 of the LHW tourney. Ruckus (from Combat Zone Wrestling) is a big
guy who flips and flies like a cruiserweight, but it wasn't enough to
defeat Berk. Very good match, with tons of great spots.
MONSTA MACK vs. DERANGED w/DIXIE
LHW, part 3. I know what you're thinking: Monsta (the other half of Da
Hit Squad) a light-heavyweight? Mebbe on the Moon, with one-sixth gravity.
Anyway, despite constant cheating from Dixie and Deranged, da Mack scores
the pin.
AZRAEL vs. GRIM REEFER
Finally, the LHW eliminations are over! Azrael scores here; Reefer is
a solid grappler, but needs a charisma transplant pronto.
Intermission: people stand in front of the fans and/or hit the concession stand (warning: don't order the hamburgers unless you have the stomach for microwaved While Castle box burgers).
APRIL HUNTER vs. ARIEL
Unlike the Cyberspace show, which was valet-heavy, the only two ladies
working JAPW this night were both genuine wrestlers, and put on a VERY
strong match, even with a handful of sloppy spots. Hunter has an *astounding*
set of...uh, biceps (I know what you think I was gonna say -- and they
were pretty damn impressive, too), and Ariel wins this year's "most
improved wrestling diva" award. April wins the bout -- and then the
villianous quartet of Mega/Slugger/Cheesesteak/Danger hit the ring and
order the battered and bruised Ariel to join them, or else. Ariel responds
by slapping Cheesesteak, and receives the obligatory beatdown.
DIRTY ROTTEN SCOUNDRELZ vs. SHAOLIN WRECKING CREW
DRS come out first, and this time the other one (EC Negro?) gets in Hunter's
face, with little or no effect. Magic and Suba (the Wrecking Crew) enter
to a HUGE pop -- Suba is so over it's incredible -- and as they're working
the ringside crowd, Suba clocks Tommy in the face with one of his boots!
(Tommy, who'd gotten into a slight altercation with Suba at the last BWO
show, moaned "Why me?" as he rubbed the welt over his eye.)
This was a no-DQ, no-countout match for the JAPW Tag belts, so the Scoundrelz'
cheating was for naught. At one point, they tried to flee to the back,
with Magic and Suba in hot pursuit; suddenly, we heard the sound of chairs
smashing, and the four surged through a side entrance and started brawling
in the crowd. (Hunter graciously lent Suba one of his cowboy boots, the
better for Suba to whack his Scoundrel of choice.) At the end of the match,
Mafia raced out, chair in hand, and...SWERVE!! He clocked the Shaolin's,
DRS pinned to keep their tag belts, and then announced that they and Maff
were "La Familia!" (I would have preferred to see Magic and
Suba win, but that's just me. On the other hand, LF's new theme song --
Santana's cover of Tito Puente's "Oye Como Va" -- *is* one of
the greatest tunes ever.)
SKINHEAD IVAN w/PETE vs. JAY LETHAL
Speakin' of white supremecy, Ivan and Pete did the whole "RAHOWA!"
thing before defeating Jay Lethal (who is "of color") for the
TV Title. Good match, cheap and gratuitous heat.
SYLK WAGNER BROWN w/APRIL HUNTER vs. DIXIE w/DERANGED
Second time at ringside for three-quarters of the participants; April
did a fine job of managing/valeting, cheering on her man and trash-talking
Deranged. Great tech match, with Sylk taking the win after nailing Dixie
with a letter-perfect shooting star press.
AZREAL vs. MONSTA MACK vs. NICK BERK
The wrapup of the Light Heavyweight title. Monsta gets eliminated after
the returning Boogie Nights run in, beat him down, and allow Berk to pin
him. Berk, in turn, gets pinned, and Azrael earns the LHW strap.
AL SNOW vs. MAFIA
Uncle Al came out without Head or his standard WWE theme music (they use
Prodigy's "Breathe", which is just as good). When Mafia brought
out the rest of "La Familia," Snow compared EC Negro to X-pac
(major crowd pop here!), and Maff sent the DRS boys back to the dressing
room, vowing to flatten Al by himself. It probably doesn't come across
on TV when Snow's sitting at the announce table on SUNDAY NIGHT HEAT,
but live, the guy is in *serious* good shape. A long, physical match that
brawled through the crowd at the halfway point: Al drove Danny Maff through
the announce table, Maff returned the favor at the autograph table, Al
walloped Danny with several full trash cans, and Danny sent the entire
"B" section of chairs flying using Al as a bowling ball. Back
in the ring, Al hit the Snow Plow, got the pin, and became the new JAPW
Heavyweight Champ. The DRS ran in for the traditional post-match beatdown,
then Slyk and April hit the ring and cleaned house on Snow's behalf.
A very good show overall with easily 300 or more people in attendance, and a testament to Jersey All-Pro's loyal crowd as well as their ability to turn a bad venue into a passible one. After a summer of show cancellations and venue losses, JAP came back and rocked the house.
All that was left at this point was the return bus trip. You may have heard the horror stories by now: chauvanistic (and even animalistic!) behavior, brutal ethnic jokes, the passenger known as "Fat Bastard" tiring of the good-humored abuse and burying Hunter's head in his oversized armpit, and Low Life Louie treating much of Hudson Street and Eighth Avenue to a "moon over Manhattan." Well, it was all true, a Men Behaving Badly trip to rival the RAW crew's "plane ride from Hell," but nobody's feelings got hurt, and the only lingering pain (other than pending hangovers) was the ache of hyperventilating from laughing so hard your sides were splitting. "PC" it wasn't, not by a LOOOOOOONG shot...
(Robert Payes [robert@stiffshots.com] programs computers for a living and photographs indy wrestlers for a hobby -- that is, when he's not creatively heckling them as one-half of Verbal Abuse. Unlike his spoken-word skills, his visual art can be seen online at Stiff Shots Wrestling Photography: www.stiffshots.com.)
