 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
Bigger Sometimes Is Better
After reading and hearing the results and not at all surprising non-results of the IHPW show last Friday night, the show held by an unnamed fed in Sussex (actually Hamburg), NJ, looked a lot more appealing. Lousy weather certainly helped kill any other plans for the weekend, and the lineup was certainly intriguing, as most of the “big names” were from the NWA-TNA promotion currently running every Wednesday night on pay-per-view (and still not watched in this house). For all of the stars on seemingly every indy show held in the Tri-State area, could these “big names” draw better numbers?
The announced line up featured Jeff Jarrett, Disco Inferno, Jerry Lawler, Brian Christopher, Chris Candido, Sunny, Ron “the Truth” Killings, and Gorgeous George. Since this was an independent card, it certainly seemed interesting to see NWA-TNA workers and a WWE mainstay like Lawler on the same show. NOTE: “Seemed” interesting.
The evening once again began at 4:15 in the parking lot of the Wallkill Valley Regional High School in Hamburg, NJ, which is about ten paces away from the Middle of Nowhere. Driving rain, twisting roads, roaming livestock, and limited visibility made for an exciting, yet surprisingly short ride. For any Department of Transportation workers reading this- signs that say Freeway Ends 3000 feet are not reassuring. Thankfully everyone got there safe.
Dinner was early as usual, this time at the Roadhouse in nearby Wantage. Paul decided to channel Meg Ryan’s character Sally and quibble over the entire menu to a waitress who must have cursed her great idea of coming in on a rainy Saturday for an easy paycheck. For anyone who cares, every single thing on the Roadhouse menu is homemade, including the clams, which makes you wonder who gets to put together the shells. But the food was terrific, from the French onion soup to the mozzarella sticks to the nachos to the New York center cut overdescribed strip steak. Fortunately, Paul skipped on reviewing his dessert options, which could have kept the Crew there the entire weekend.
During dinner, Jeff Jarrett walked in and sat at a table obscured by other booths on the other side of the restaurant, no doubt to yell at whoever convinced him to travel to Hamburg- the first of several stupid decisions that night on Jarrett’s part. No word on what Jarrett ordered, or if he was informed that everything was homemade.
After dinner, it was about 5:30 and time to see the sites in Sussex County. At 5:31, it was time to head back to the high school for the show scheduled to start at 7:30. With the rain still coming down, and the doors open, everyone started filing in to the gymnasium. Everyone respectfully stood right beyond the entranceway and away from the gym, respectfully parting to let workers in. Sadly, everyone was then met by head promoter Sam, who told everyone that tickets weren’t going to be sold until 6:00 and then the doors, which were already open, weren’t going to open until 7:00. What wonderful logic- and one of the reasons why people look down on the professional wrestling business.
In 30 seconds, Sam came across as a power-starved, insecure, badass wannabe who showed no respect or courtesy for a paying audience that just wanted to keep themselves and their children out of the rain. Sam managed to give his paying customers the absolute worst first impression possible, so he naturally shuffled off and left things in the qualified hands of a couple of high school students. Of course, these students, future business leaders of America, had no idea who was working the show and who was there to see the show. It helps when you’re pretending to run a business, or if you’re a “promoter” looking to pass the buck to a group of kids pretending to run a business, that you give the 15 year old twins at the front gate some sense of who to let in and who not to let in- like on a list that even the carniest of carnys has at their front gate before their shows.
As a result of this fiasco, poor Frank was left trapped at the front after one of tomorrow’s leaders decided that they should start selling tickets at 6:15, and then Milhouse decided to stop selling tickets after most of the Crew received theirs. That means four whole tickets were sold before the decision was reversed- Christ, a photocopier makes at least five extra copies once you hit Cancel. When in the 14 seconds from when tickets went on sale until they were stopped was it deemed a good idea to stop selling tickets? If you’re in whatever business this spectacled doof decides to get into- RUN. Showing that these same business skills aren’t exclusive to the Wallkill Valley area, Disco Inferno decided to set up camp right beyond the gate- so no one without a ticket could get over to see him, buy an autograph or take a picture.
The doors were eventually opened at 7:00, so tickets were officially on sale- Frank finally got through. The ring was in the middle of a decent sized gymnasium in one of the cleanest high schools on the continent, and there was a nice sized crowd that came in miserable weather to see the show- quite a pleasant surprise. Three separate counts and a generous bump up had the crowd at 350, even if others with no association with the show at all had the crowd at 800. Even 800 is less than the 1,000 boasted beforehand for this sold charity show sponsored by a local Ford dealer. But 350 was a nice turnout of vocal, enthusiastic fans that were exactly the kind of crowd an indy fed is looking for- cheer the faces, boo the heels, follow the bouncing ball.
The Carny Code must be imbedded deep into the skin of those so eager to be a part of the rewarding and uplifting wrestling business. There were only two rows of “ringside” seats on two sides of the ring, and the bleachers where the Crew sat were only ¼ full on one side and maybe a third full on the other. And when you’re sending results to toadys where you get the first match results wrong and Little Jeannie becomes Sweet Destiny on a show you attended, it’s time to check your prescriptions- and your hearing and comprehension skills.
The announced 7:30 belltime quickly becomes a faded memory. The 7:30 time written on the tickets as the time the show starts turns to 7:40, then 7:45. At 7:55, the music starts and Alicia enters the ring to start the show. Alicia starts to run down the lineup- only someone didn’t clue the sound guy in on what she was doing in the ring, as the music kept going and going. Maybe he thought she was going to freestyle rap over Godsmack.
Alicia began the show announcing the participants but not announcing any no-shows, like Jerry Lawler, Brian Christopher, Chris Candido, or Sunny. And the reputation of Sam I Am- and I Am Not a Smart Promoter sinks further and further. Apparently, Lawler had other priorities that night rather than work the job that’s kept him employed over 20 years. Rumours have it that he decided to Go his Own Way, like perhaps a Gypsy, live his Dreams and take in a concert. No Questions Asked by anyone hoping to pay him to work a 15 minute match, but at least no Little Lies were told why Lawler wasn’t there and decided to hang with Lindsay, Stevie, and Mick- not to mention Rhiannon and Sara, for some Big Love.
The crowd graciously ignored the earlier slip-ups when Damian Adams was introduced as they gave him a nice pop, considering 338 of the people in the audience most likely had never seen him before. Shawn “This Is Not Make Up” Donovan, his opponent, however, got nothing but boos despite doing nothing but walking out of the locker room. He either went to rival Pope John High School, or they didn’t go for the eyelashes that would make models jealous. Regardless, Adams gave a fine showing, proven when he was the only person in the gym not laughing when Donovan messed up a rebound off the ropes, nearly lopping his head off into the second row. Hopefully his trainer Kevin Knight was too busy calculating his 20% cuts out of the five other IWF people working the show to notice. Donovan won the match using the ropes for leverage after a missed moonsault by Adams, a move that prompted lots of spirited bellowing into Brett’s recorder. What booking credo dictates using that kind of a highspot in the first match? Well, at least it wasn’t through flaming tables to totally kill the crowd to anything that followed- especially since no one else on the card bothered to do anything close to that kind of a highspot.
Alicia returns to the ring to announce the next match, but after some confusion, mostly due to no one recognizing anyone’s signature music, everyone figures out that she’s being interrupted by Ron “the Truth” Killings. Thanks to one smart ass hollering at Alicia to ask “What the hell is going on?” Killings took immediate notice to the Clothesline Crew. Killings starting off “I heard it was YOU badmouthing me” could and should have been accompanied by a spit take. His subsequent insults were tragicially poorly researched, as he started ragging on shoes he couldn’t possibly see from his vantage point in the ring, breath he couldn’t possibly smell from across the gym (Michelob Ultra and Fosters don’t carry that strong- do they?), and other jibes that were drowned out by retorts of “Tip your waitresses,” “Try the veal,” and “We’re here all week.” Killings did redeem himself with his follow ups on Brett about only stopping to eat when he’s tired. How this guy isn’t in Booker T’s spot in the WWE is completely beyond comprehension- he’s got superb mic skills, unbounded passion, and works like a champ. However, after spending five minutes establishing himself as a heel, Killings hit a 180 once Disco Inferno, now trying to be known as Glen Gilbertti entered the ring. Disco’s self-imposed punishment for his earlier table placement must have been to tell the crowd and Ron Killings that Brian Christopher wasn’t on the card that night- the only no-show announced to the fans. All of Killings’ great heel mic work was promptly discarded as he encouraged the crowd to chant “Disco Duck” at Gilbertti. Half the crowd chanted “Disco Duck,” and the rest sitting in what must have been the hearing impaired section replied with “Disco Sucks.” Disco got his revenge on everyone, though, as he pushed himself into the main event, making it a Three Way Dance between himself, Killings, and Jeff Jarrett.
Kevin Knight and Roman (with his 20%) joined the IWF referee and his 20% in the ring to face the Soul Brothers, the one team no one was hoping to see back in action. The Soul Brothers had their assigned three month run in the ECWA, with the highlights of their run being one of them splitting his pants before their match started and the two of them sitting with blank stares as person after person passed them by to get someone else’s autograph before and during one of the shows. And absence did not make the heart grow fonder for these two, who bring nothing to the ring but a stale gimmick lost on 85% of the people in the stands who are too young to remember a movie that came out in 1980 (since no one saw the 2000 sequel). The pre-match shuffle routine was enough to blow them both up- and one “Brother” looked like a zombie with skin grayer than an overcast sky. Knight couldn’t even be bothered to act like a true heel, as he barely kept the smirk off his face every time he yelled at the audience. Somehow, the Soul Brothers were booked to win the match- a match that was thankfully forgotten as soon as it ended.
The crowd was then brought back as Church and his folded arms faced Doink the Clown. Pure comedy- which the crowd totally ate up. Doink got the pinfall after the best buttdrop off the top anyone’s ever done. Church did a real departure from his gimmick in Jersey All Pro working comedy and did an unselfish job- and proved to be even more unselfish as he signed over 100 photos gratis- at one point he ran out of photos. If he had dates for his Staten Island shows on the back of the photos he would have had the easiest flier ever, since people were flocking over after intermission non-stop.
After this, it was decided to take a break from the grueling match schedule for a 30 minute intermission. One more brilliant decision from Sam I Am- In Over My Head. Twenty minutes into the 30 minute intermission, Jeff Jarrett decides that now is a good time to come out to pose for pictures and sign autographs. Arguably the biggest name on the card, and he comes out late into intermission- unannounced (!), and parks himself by the nearest exit- not in the middle of the ring where he could have made a fortune on $10.00 Polaroids. For someone with so many years in the business, Jeff Jarrett isn’t the greatest when it comes to business decisions as simple as that one. Even one of the Soul Brothers was smart enough to stand in the bleachers frantically waving his arms so people knew where they were located- not that anyone cared. And on closer inspection…the years have not been kind to Jeffrey Leonard Jarrett.
The next match after that much needed break was Ariel facing Little Jeannie, who was announced as Little Jeannie by Alicia, who even got corrected by Little Jeannie to call her Magnificent Jeannie. Even so, some people still got her name wrong. Little Jeannie managed to blind several in the bleachers with her fish-white legs. With her paleness and the one Soul Brother’s near death complexion, one payoff option should have been a supply of vitamins. Chants of “Get a Tan” and shouts of “Don’t Fear the Sun” were poorly received. Jeannie and Ariel hit the nicest looking move on the card as Jeannie reversed a flying bodypress so neatly she was able to place her feet perfectly on the ropes on the rollover for the “tainted” win.
Alicia came back out to plug the lousy merchandise and moving concessions only to be interrupted by the nicest surprise of the night- Justin Credible, who stormed the ring looking thinner than ever. Any weight he may have lost was surely placed on the chest of his valet, Traci Taylor, who looked buoyant enough to float the Queen Mary. Credible, who was scheduled to work the USA Pro show that same night, decided to confront some unresolved personal issues he had with Sussex County, as he declared himself to be tougher than anyone in the area. Enter…the Sandman, also scheduled for USA Pro- in a match there against Credible, surprise, surprise. Sandman still has the Best Entrance in the Business, and totally popped the crowd. Sandman started in the bleachers, spraying beer everywhere and panicking every teenager there now soaked in Budweiser who now has to explain to his folks why he smells like a brewery when he was supposed to be watching Doink the Clown. The match starts outside the ring where Credible has to practically bribe one fan so he can use his plastic championship belt. To the tyke’s reassurance, he did keep his word and give it back. That must have been one hell of a belt. Credible and Sandman made a great career move backing out of USA Pro for a quick payday here as they gave the most satisfying and entertaining match of the night. Credible won with his That’s Incredible tombstone piledriver and then piled him and Sandman back into his assumed heap of a car that “broke down” (read: didn’t feel like driving all the way to Queens) on the way to USA Pro. After reading the USA Pro results, and reading of the promoter’s attempted sodomy of a worker with a hot dog, they didn’t miss much.
With the crowd fully hyped and charged up after the Credible-Sandman brawl, what better way to keep them happy by…having the main event and the last match of the show! Just stupendous promoting- six matches done in just barely over two hours which included a 30 minute intermission. Next time, why not just come out and slap everyone in the face as they walk into the gymnasium?
Jeff Jarrett successfully defended his NWA-TNA title against Ron “the Truth” Killings and Disco Inferno, aka Glen Gilbertti when he’s trying to be a “serious wrestler.” An NWA-TNA Champion named Glen has such a nice ring to it. Killings was the star of this match, doing a twisting Famouser and bumping in and out of the ring on several occasions. Disco did his contribution to the match outside of standing on the 2nd turnbuckle to get boo’ed by hitting the Stroke, aka the World’s Lamest Finisher, on Jarrett, only to get a two count. Hitting a finisher on the guy who according to the results managed to fend of most of ECW’s old roster in one NWA-TNA match? Superman was definitely going to kick out on someone pinning him with his own finisher. Disco collided with Killings at the end, knocking “the Truth” to the outside and causing Disco to get hit with Jarrett’s own Stroke for the three count. Killings worked for three in this one- and made it look good.
Once the show was over, Sam I Am had the DJ announce that Credible and Sandman were going to be out after the show to sign autographs, but after 15 minutes had some flunky tell whoever could hear him that both guys were gone. Completely pointless- if you’re going to announce someone’s going to be there, make sure they’re THERE, you halfwit. Lucky for him, Ron Killings came out, as did Ariel, and signed several CDs and posed for photos. Gorgeous George was out for the entire show signing autographs for no charge and posing for $10.00 photos.
On the other hand, The IWF “stars” didn’t even bother to stick around to sign anything- maybe figuring out after their showing at intermission that no one was interested in them signing anything in the first place. So Kevin Knight got to go home with his payday and 20% of the paydays from six other people. Not a bad gig- show up after 6:00, half ass a comedy match against two duds, leave just after 10:00, and manage to sell and promote absolutely nothing about yourself or your school, outside of the table advertising two T-shirts. No need- as long as you’ve got the suckers stupid enough to sign 20% of their life away to be trained even though no other school around has that stipulation, why bother?
For a show that started off so poorly, things ended up rather well, with a neat surprise in the Credible-Sandman match, a good womens’ match, and a decent main event. The crowd was perfect for a wrestling show, into the comedy, into the brawls, into the chants, into the faces. Bottle that crowd up and you’ve got a great show anywhere.
Sometimes it’s best to go in with lower expectations, but that’s
hard to do when you’re consistently seeing indy shows featuring such
good talent all over the area. Doing so here, however, made for an enjoyable
evening. The big names came through in the long run and outshined the
local talent, which is not hard to do when one of the big names is Ron
Killings, who could outshine 90% of the WWE roster.
----
The comments and statements
do not necessarily reflect the opinions of Brett Schwan and the Wrestling
Clothesline (although many times, he comes damn close!). Please
feel free to email HIM with any comments, complaints, etc.
Jim has been watching wrestling for over 20 years and has followed and reported on indy wrestling for over 6 years. He's also a fan of the New York Giants, New York Yankees, St. John's Red Storm basketball, Alabama Crimson Tide football, and the New Jersey Devils, but please don't hold that against him.
Contact Jim at BilJim2@hotmail.com
