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Enough Already
The "well kept
secret," reunion special of Tough Enough aired last night,
and it should have been kept a secret. Considering the gossipy nature
of
the wrestling business, the fact that no one knew any details of the show
wasn't promising.
The first season of
Tough Enough had that promise. It had the interesting
premise of combining elements of The Real World with the WWF, and had
an
array of characters people could identify with, like the underdog (Josh),
the cocky "heel" (Chris), the bitter, vertically challenged
WWFer who takes
out his frustrations and shortcomings on people who don't care
enough/aren't stupid enough to fight back (Tazz), and the Can't Miss
prospect (Greg), with plenty of twists and turns during the season it
aired
that kept everyone guessing as to who actually would win the contracts.
It
showed the best side of the WWF while stressing how "difficult"
it was
Season two of Tough
Enough had none of that. Well, it had Tazz the Tough
Guy embarrassing himself and the wrestling business picking on one of
the
25 finalists over a promo, but when you're pressed to name half the people
on the show, then the show's got problems. There wasn't a single exciting,
unpredictable element to the entire season, and that was certainly stressed
with the unoriginal, deadeningly dull, and completely predictable and
immature "Reunion Special" that was anything but special. Season
two
stressed the absolute worst of the WWF/WWE/WWWhatever and showed that
even
the mid card hamsters running in place in their current roster spots will
protect those spots at any cost, including the degradation and humiliation
of a couple of lunkheads looking for 15 minutes of fame and attention.
The show was hosted
by the always uninspiring and heat draining Michael Cole, who shouldn't
be allowed near a microphone for any reason, and Bryan McFadden (I think
that's his name), an Empty TV VJ who's a clone of the last 27 VJs the
channel's had since 1995, and who also couldn't electrify an audience
with a shock stick. The "banter" between the two and the castmembers
was sickeningly syrupy, condescending (like Michael Cole has
anything over any of the people on Tough Enough, of all shows), and on
a
7th grade level- aka Prime Time TV. "Ooooh, what WAS up with you
and Pete
in the hot tub, Jackie?" Because that was so exciting and "controversial"
to show some drunks flopping all over each other and the laugh-a-minute
consequences. It probably wasn't a coincidence that the Simpsons episode
that night had Bart Simpson threatening to toss a bowling ball through
the
TV after seeing 30 seconds of the typical TV fare "Don't Go There."
Watching this reunion show would certainly make one wish for a bowling
ball. Or lots of alcohol.
The defining moment
of the show was watching Tazz, who went from submission
specialist to announcing dork jumping over a railing to avoid HHH hitting
a
gimmicked table, dressing down Darryl from the first season. It's doubtful
Darryl was the ideal roommate, but who deserves to hear any kind of abuse
from friggin' Tazz?? Tazz would cry a river if someone ever actually took
him up on his babbling challenges or told him to stop running his pudgy
little mouth. This is one person who deserves every locker room ribbing
he
receives, as he is completely clueless to how he's perceived in the real
world- a fat, loud mouthed, hypocritical ("you can't even run a mile")
blowhole who couldn't convince anyone he's a wrestler of any kind, let
alone some tough guy from Red Hook. Is this the image the WWeeee wants
us
to see of Tazz? No wonder ratings are plummeting.
The first season of
Tough Enough showed the WWF to be a company eager to
accept newcomers, who were serious about the business, in a non-traditional
way of a televised contest. It weeded out the chaff, like Bobbie "I
Want
to Be In Playboy" Jo, whose career aspirations rank right above the
level
of a fry cook, and showed true heartbreak from people who didn't make
the
cut.
The second season
of Tough Enough showed the WWF/WWeee/WWhat? to be a
company populated by shallow, childish, mean-spirited, social misfits
who
got their kicks putting fans of the company through unreal amounts of
physical labor and mental abuse not found anywhere in the wrestling
business. Unless you think every wannabe wrestler carries gas cans up
and
down a beach getting yelled at by some physique freak who thinks he's
in
the Army and wishes you were too.
It was almost unwatchable.
Big went from a caring, compassionate trainer to
a prank pulling, knuckle dragging dimbulb who gets his jollies setting
up
unwitting applicants and even trainers. It was really Must See TV watching
Bob Holly choke down plate after plate of fried food thanks to insipid
mind
games and dares from Big, who doesn't ring a lot of bells when it comes
to
influential people in the wrestling business. Jackie was chosen because
she decided to drink herself into a stupor and embarrass herself doing
soft
core porn with the first guy she could grab. Her boyfriend has no balls
whatsoever to show up and take part in the skit at the last episode by
wiping his brow. Those two clowns won't last another six months with her
full time in the WWEeek fully exposed to the underside of the wrestling
business. Nice job of turning the wrong one heel, too, as Linda has
"obnoxious ass" written all over her and she's being pushed
as a babyface.
And apparently everyone
now gets a job with the company, as Jessie, the
waif that laughed taking every bump, is now working "behind the scenes,"
as she so happily informed the mayor of WhiteTrashistan Alicia (I think-
like it matters). Is this a joke? What talent or skill does that cross
eyed bubblehead bring to the WWE? I didn't mind Matt, as predicted right
here, getting a contract, but what does it tell the others, especially
from
the first season, when someone who has no business being IN the business
like Jessie gets a job after proving herself to be a miserable failure?
Was there a bidding war between the WWE and Gymboree for her stellar
services? Is she the one writing those storylines? I guess she's got that
magic touch to write compelling TV like Austin urinating on Arn Anderson
and apparently having some kind of a tract infection. Or maybe she's
responsible for that highly complex character Tommy Dreamer's doing.
God Bless the Indys-
because the WWeeee doesn't look like it's going to get
better, let alone watchable, any time soon.
----
Jim has been watching
wrestling for over 20 years and has followed and reported on indy wrestling
for over 6 years. He's also a fan of the New York Giants, New York Yankees,
St. John's Red Storm basketball, Alabama Crimson Tide football, and the
New Jersey Devils, but please don't hold that against him.
Contact Jim at BilJim2@aol.com
----
Previous Columns:
Watching Tazz is Tough Enough
Seven in Two
Getting Your Moneys Worth
How Not to Run and Indy
If That's What it Takes, They Don't Have It!
Customer Service in the Wrestling Business
Consider the Source
How Much Would You Pay?
Living Off The Past
---
The comments and statements of Mr. Brambilla do not necessarily reflect
the opinions of Brett Schwan and the Wrestling Clothesline (although many
times, he comes damn close!)
