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If That's What It Takes, They Don't Have It
I was "lucky" enough to see the TLC special on professional wrestling last week titled "Bodyslam! The Making of a Professional Wrestler." It profiled four people out of Rick Bassman's Ultimate Pro Wrestling in California, and followed them for a while as they chased their dream of making it in wrestling.
The show came off as remarkably carny-free in terms of the promoter, but the wrestlers they profiled (and that's a huge assumption with one of them calling her a "wrestler") were either in way over their heads or don't have what the rest of the world seems to be looking for in the "next big thing," to quote Paul Heymanwouldyoushutupalready referring to Brock Lesnar.
The one exception was Christopher Daniels, who was described as "Advanced" because he's been wrestling over 8 years. Daniels came off the best out of the four, sounding articulate and realistic about his chances in the business. He's really the best prospect out there to this day, and this was filmed in early 2001. His one drawback is his size, and in my eyes his ridiculous (at the time this was filmed) ring gear, which included a choker around his neck that made him look like a goose.
Daniels was at the time the UPW champion and got selected for a tryout match on WCW Monday Nitro against Mike Modest. Anyone who remembers the match knows what happened- Daniels slipped on the top rope attempting a backflip and landed right on TOP OF HIS HEAD. It was shown again and again during the special, and it's amazing he was able to walk and talk about it afterward, let alone finish the match. His left arm looked like it was broken as it was flopping this way and that due to the stinger (Daniels lost all feeling in the arm).
Thankfully, the special cut out the part at the end of the match when Scott Steiner roided his way out and squashed the both of them into the mat. Daniels got a contract after the match, but if that schmozz at the end wasn't an indicator of where he was going in WCW, I don't know what was. As it turned out, WCW changed owners (again) and Daniels and Modest were both out of luck. Daniels, as featured on this site in the Events and ECWA Results, continues to plug away in the indys. He's completely bald now, which doesn't help his gimmick, but at least he lost the choker.
Mikey Henderson was another "advanced" wrestler featured, and he needs a gimmick, period. He's a terrific worker unfortunately handicapped by a short stature and a lack of in ring charisma. Bassman described him as the one true "miss" in the business, meaning the guy people seem to keep passing on. These days, I'd give that "title" to Simon Diamond, who has size, mic skills, tons of charisma, and is a great worker, but isn't built like Eddy Gasuerrero, so he's watching the WWF at home. They're both better off in my opinion- the WWF is too concerned about getting the next angle over featuring family members, people banging family members, or guys over 50.
The next two are just true examples of what's wrong with the business. Drzan McBee/McGee/whatever is a student at UPW, and is the Drzan-illing shits. She seemed so devoid of the most basic required skills of a professional wrestler that I was left wondering who helped her brush her teeth. Her and her American Gladiator husband "Malibu" were both about as shallow as a baby pool, which really showed when they turned on the "charm" during their revival meeting, talking about being Born Again.
That should have been the red flag right there that Drzan was going nowhere- no Born Again anything will do jack in the wrestling business. The business isn't meant for goody two shoes who think they're saved and/or will save everyone else. Look at what happened to Marc Mero and Sting, two Born Agains who ended up in the shadow of one of the stupidest valets in wrestling history and preaching their way right out of the business and several friendships and business deals, respectively.
Don't waste your time looking for Drzan to debut anywhere, as she seems to have dropped off the face of the earth (and so has UPW, for that matter). Judging by her performance as the bell girl, I think Mark Eaton's WWF job is safe. Drzan hopefully decided to stay at home and try and erase the images of her training out of her daughter's head. I kept waiting for Sherri Martel or one of the many women in the business who were also mothers to show up and knock the saline out of Drzan's body after she kept babbling about being the "first mother" to wrestle.
Babbling seemed to be the forte of Big Jon Heidenreich, who apparently didn't spend a lot of time working on a nickname. Heidenreich looked to be a real good prospect, coming off a career in the NFL and CFL where he was known for having a quick temper. Heidenreich went to California to train at UPW and promptly dropped about 30 pounds from his playing weight, making him look streamlined and better proportioned.
Too bad none of that training shed the rocks in his head. This guy had the mic skills of a monk- a voice completely monotone and devoid of any emotion. Heidenreich, naturally, got a developmental deal from the WWF, based on his size alone and the reaction from Bruce "Brother Love" Pritchard. This was after six months of training. Six months. He's lucky he didn't get clipped in the ring by someone with ten times the talent who got passed over simply because they weren't on Vitamin S.
Actually, Heidenreich didn't seem to have any luck at all, as he celebrated his WWF contract by:
- fighting with and
breaking up with his girlfriend, showing more genuine emotion bitching
away from the camera about the "asshole who's trying to talk to me
about my fucking girlfriend."
- getting into a car wreck
- breaking his hand falling out of the ring
I don't know where Heidenreich is these days, and I don't really care. He's a lummox who got a deal based on looks alone, and if that's what the WWF is looking for, they can have it. I don't prefer to watch someone who looks like he needs directions on how to get to the ring and who has mood swings wider than the Mediterranean.
The special really showed the business in as positive of a light as it possibly could, even if it did briefly feature Rolo the APW Carny as part of the thankfully short lived APWho vs. UPW "feud". To quote my wife, "he looks like he smells." Rolo was quickly summed up by the kid at ringside with the sign "Roland Don't Eat Me."
The special proved that the WWF is going by looks alone, so anyone who makes it there won't be doing much real work. If anything, the TLC special proved that the indys are still the best place to see professional wrestling, featuring wrestlers that are "hungry" and will work their asses off to get to the top.
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Jim has been watching
wrestling for over 20 years and has followed and reported on indy wrestling
for over 6 years. He's also a fan of the New York Giants, New York Yankees,
St. John's Red Storm basketball, Alabama Crimson Tide football, and the
New Jersey Devils, but please don't hold that against him.
Contact Jim at BilJim2@aol.com
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Previous Columns:
Watching Tazz is Tough Enough
Seven in Two
Getting Your Moneys Worth
How Not to Run and Indy
