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Night and Day
Just about every cliché or adage can be used to describe the differences
between two shows held this past Saturday within three miles of each other,
but Night and Day seems to be the most appropriate.
Night can signify gloom, depression, dread, fear, and the end. Each of those, and plenty more, can apply to the dreadful Cyber Space Wrestling Federation show held in Rahway, NJ, on Saturday, April 12th. Previous columns on this Web site have mentioned the CSWF and its previous show, which at the time had set new lows for the industry and new highs in terms of contempt for the audience they’re ostensibly hoping to entertain.
Things started on a good note as the Crew had a decent lunch at the Firehouse, which had more enthusiasm from the seven people there than the entire “crowd” at the show that afternoon. Cold beer, decent trivia games, and the Yankees knocking around the Devil Rays made for a fine start to the day of wrestling.
Things continued to look good as the show took place at the Center Circle, the first of many oxymorons when it comes to the CSWF. The Circle is a good venue with plenty of room and it was nice to finally get to see a show there after what happened with Jersey Championship Wrestling a while back (also discussed in previous columns). The “doors” (actually, the opening to a hockey rink) opened at 3:00 with the Crew first on line, which should have set off warning bells right then and there.
Front row seats were immediately available- another red flag, unfortunately missed. The Crew got the pleasure of watching Smokey the Dopey and Sinister X plan out their entire match in front of the same people they expected to stick around later on for the same match. No choice, really- as the $15.00 price was non-refundable, always a positive sign of quality customer service. “Don’t like it? Tough shit.” Not the best action plan for a group coming off its last disaster of a show.
The CSWF’s previous show attracted a grand total of 76 people to Flemington, NJ, which is about as far into the boondocks as you can get in New Jersey without getting stranded in the Pine Barrens with the Jersey Devil. This show in Rahway looked to have a better turnout considering the location- and certainly, living solely up to the Cyber Space name and shilling non-stop on the Internet was sure to bring out a truckload of fans, right?
Right?
The show started inexcusably late at 4:15 with 43 people in attendance. No typo. 43. More than 40% of the people at the last show didn’t make it out for this one. The best line in terms of the attendance came from whoever in the Crew group that said, “The most pissed off people here are the guys who set up all the chairs for nothing.” Way to go on that Internet ad campaign!
The unnamed ticket taker rang off a nice rendition of America the Beautiful and the card started with- shockingly- an angle. The announcers, who spent the card speaking into unconnected microphones, and Larry Winters, who came out as a face and happily acknowledged the “crowd,” attempted to run down the card but were interrupted by Firehawk and his valet Vanity, both heels. Firehawk got into a staredown with Winters and then brought out the Living “Legend,” Larry Zbyszko. Winters then immediately played the role of cowardly heel as he backed off of Larry Z’s “challenge” to prove the “real Living Legend.” Keep in mind that Larry Winters had, up until about 4:25 on April 12th, never been referred to or referred to himself as the “Living Legend.” CSWF continued its tradition of starting off the card in the weakest way possible- expecting its 43 “fans” to boo one of their lead faces and cheer someone supported by the lead heels.
And if that’s the last card anyone uses Larry Zbyszko on, then they’re about five years too late. Larry Zbyszko should form a tag team with Shane Douglas and call themselves the Bridge Burners after all the bitter jealousy and nonsense they’ve run off about in their promos for the past several years. Larry Zbyszko lucked into exactly one good angle with Bruno Sammartino 22 years ago and has been sucking off of that ever since. The MiC stated it perfectly when he noted that Larry would drop everything if Vince McMahon came calling, and apparently the last person to realize that is Larry Zbyszko.
Gerry “7 Deadly Questions” Strauss then introduced the first match of the day. Striker won a three way dance with Chi Chi Cruz and Nick “no Diet Red Bull today” Berk, who replaced Rob Eckos. Striker had one of the busiest days in wrestling history as this was the first of apparently three shots he had on April 12th, and he made the most of the situation, as did Rob Eckos, who showed more enthusiasm, natural ability, and charisma hopping around ringside on crutches than half the CSWF roster. Striker has perfected the role of heel no matter where and how he’s booked.
Kappa Tappa Kegga lost to Blasphemy after performing two horrific blasphemies of their own:
1.) Not sharing the beer they brought out
2.) Promptly wasting half the beer they used in a funnel by spitting it
onto Blasphemy at ringside.
Blasphemy were managed by Hunter Q. Robbins, who now is being presented as a vampire based on the promo pics that weren’t selling at intermission. Talk about confusing gimmicks- a yuppie elitist name accompanied by a Johnny Mathis look, rent a tux duds that went out of style the second they came out of the closet, and no hint of vampirism despite the pics that featured him posed with Destiny.
Speaking of…Destiny, who was with Hunter Q and his flock of crock
at the last show, came out after the match and was naturally yelled at
by Hunter Q. So two people who were “allies” at the last CSWF
show are now “enemies”- with no explanation whatsoever. Just
flat out insulting, contemptuous booking that you wouldn’t even find
in the smallest backyard “fed” on the continent.
The insulting and contempt continued as Jackie the Booking Dreamer pinned
Tyrus in a “hardcore” match that was anything but. When the
garbage can you’re carrying and smacking your hand into to the beat
of the music is already denting from the “impact,” it’s
a good indicator that what’s going to follow isn’t going to
be good. And it wasn’t. Jackie Dreamer, as has been stated before,
has absolutely no business whatsoever being in a wrestling ring for any
reason other than to set it up beforehand. Smart ass remarks to people
who paid to see the show are just further proof of the guy’s utter
contempt for his paying audience, which cannot be stressed enough.
On a wrestling aspect alone, the match was horrid. Weak can shots, no moves a 13 year old can’t do better, no storyline, no reason for the match, and laughable brawling “skills” just sank this drizzler from beginning to end. How sad is it when the only way to build your own self-esteem is to book yourself to win a “hardcore” match? Save the self-help platitudes and work out your personal issues outside of the ring in the future, please. Bookers pushing themselves for ANY reason are part of what’s killing the wrestling business.
Shawn Sheridan pinned Dave Greco religiously in a LightHeavyweight title match that got the 43 strong revived, a feat that should have doubled Sheridan’s and Greco’s paydays. Sheridan showed a lot of energy and passion in a place where many others would have understandably packed it in early and phoned in their work. The best match of the show, proving that cream does rise to the top.
Joey Matthews, Hungarian Barbarian, and Crazy Ivan defeated Mike Preston, Damien Adams, and Kid USA in a six-man saved by Adams and Crazy Ivan, who has roots with the Clothesline dating back over seven years to Yardville, NJ. Ivan’s team was accompanied to ringside by Miss Asia and Reginald (?- and no corrections are necessary or wanted), who spent more time talking to each other than paying attention to the match. Asia moved about as much as a statue, Reginald laughed at inappropriate times, and looked about as threatening as a bowl of oatmeal.
Slyk Wagner Brown and April Hunter then charged the ring after the match and challenged Reginald and Miss Asia- apparently being punished for crimes they didn’t commit. The CSWF did Slyk a favor by not making the poor guy wrestle later in the card, and continued their incredibly impressive booking coups by presenting a storyline that would have the audience believe that Slyk Wagner Brown and April Hunter just travel to show, sit backstage, and run in to challenge people for no real reason. 43 was a gift to this crew.
Hot Commodity (EZ Money, Chris “No Ticket for You” Hamrick, and Julio Dinero) came out to set up their match later that day and basically killed time for about 10 minutes. Lots of comedy, not a lot of real interest in entertaining anyone but themselves. Danny Doring then came out and set the match up as yet another Three Way Dance, since just one a show isn’t enough for the good folks in the CSWF. The laziness and lack of inspiration from the CSWF must have passed onto Hot Commodity, who only earned their check by reacting to the smart asses in the front row- and did a fine job doing just that.
Crowbar, accompanied by the new Betty Crocker, Serena, pinned Matt Vandal, who looked like he vandalized a buffet before the match. Vandal’s got a decent look that’s about three inches off from being good. The problem is that all three of those inches hang above his beltbuckle. Crowbar was wasted here, but hopefully got to go home and have some quality brownies. Crowbar could have worked a hardcore match against Tyrus, but the 43 strong certainly all came to see a malnourished accountant go “hardcore.” Crowbar could have continued an angle with Slyk as they worked the last CSWF card, but it was more important to get Firehawk out there twice.
Larry Zybszko pinned Larry “Rock Lobster” Winters to settle the non-argument of who’s the “real Living Legend” after interference (!) by Firehawk. No real “Living Legend” would need an assist to beat Larry Lyin’ in the Tanning Booth Too Long Winters. If Chris Jericho even knew Larry Z was still alive, he’d be laughing at him. It doesn’t help your argument when you’re bitching about Jericho in front of 43 people sitting in a hockey rink while Chris Jericho is making millions working in front of 20,000 night after night.
In a title unification match, Sinister X pinned Smokey M. after showing the same moves they ran through three hours earlier. And honestly- if you have to rehearse an eye rake you need to rehearse a lot more- like tying your own shoes. Sinister won the match, accompanied by Destiny, but was interrupted by Hunter Q., who produced a letter and then proceeded to mangle his delivery so badly that the simple concept of a Dusty finish was completely lost in front of 43 people. Apparently the mail service had a hand in making sure the title didn’t change hands, thus keeping so much precious and deserved heat on Smokey M. and his important status in the CSWF and all over the wrestling world.
To reiterate- no promotion who can’t draw more than 43 people to a show has any business- ANY BUSINESS- pulling a bait and switch and a Dusty finish in any of their matches. Results like this will NOT bring people back- as a 40% dropoff in attendance should have indicated to the booking gurus from the get go. Live and not learn seems to be the CSWF motto.
The “main event” had Danny Doring winning the Three Way Dance after basically getting beaten up the entire match by Hot Commodity, who spent most of their time clowning around. All four of these guys are talented workers, and pretty much jerked around the whole card. Understandable, of course- when the promotion itself doesn’t give a shit, why should the workers? Unfortunately, it just took away what could have been a decent performance from four guys who phoned it in so blatantly that Hamrick literally was on the phone as he entered the ring.
The CSWF will not be getting any future money or attention from this part of the Clothesline Crew. There was no excuse for putting on such a shit show with the talent that took the time to show up (and apparently get gypped on their payday in some cases) and the amount of money wasted on belts, entrance ways, pics, and promos. The WDHA crew was “hyped” for weeks and did absolutely NOTHING for three hours. No mention they were there, no in ring promos, no shills for the station, nothing.
But the booker and promoter got positively featured on the show, which apparently is all that matters to the fine folks of the CSWF.
This part of the Crew isn’t interested in staying “over” with the promoter. Not interested in having good ties with any part of the promotion through IM or whatever so a column can be filled up, or a cheap looking newsletter, with worthless reasonings, false promises, and meaningless excuses and wait and see attitudes. Twice was two times too many.
Thankfully, the Day came with the Jersey All Pro Wrestling show three miles away in Woodbridge, NJ.
This card looked interesting for all the wrong reasons as there were several no-shows and match changes because of at least three other cards running that day. To their credit, Jersey All Pro was up front as much as possible as most people knew who wasn’t going to be there before the show started.
And it started a little late in one of the best ways possible…thumping music and Ref Hanson just bolting into the ring and pumping up the crowd. Great interaction and a nice way to kick things off.
Prince Striker and Crazy Ivan, having made the grueling commute from Rahway, pinned Explosive Eddie Thomas, who was teamed with the reluctant Corvis Fear, who made his feelings known before, during, and after the match. Fear came out with Church, and both turned on Thomas, allowing Striker to get the pin. Thankfully the life wasn’t sucked out of Striker and Ivan as it was from the crowd at their previous CSWF show. Striker must have picked up his character mannerisms on Mars, but he still pulled off a solidly worked match. Anyone not using Striker is just missing the boat. Hell, Jackie Dreamer used the guy.
Rain pinned Mike that Mean Bastard Kruel in a lightheavyweight match. Kruel, who looked more basted than a Virginia ham on Easter, lived up to his name by unfairly and maliciously picking on some poor paying fan at ringside by noticing that one of the poor handsome guy’s eyes gets a little crossed in when it’s late and you’ve been to a CSWF show, which would not only cross both eyes but induce hair pulling and uncontrollable vomiting. Rain must have Hulked up after Kruel worked on his left arm most of the match, as he had no problem using it when he was on offense. Other than that, this was a decent match- especially since that mean, spiteful Mike Kruel lost.
April Hunter pinned Nikki Roxx by pulling the tights in a great women’s
match. April Hunter managed to overcome the CSWF Curse as well and worked
a splendid match with Nikki, who’s still looking for her first JAPW
win over April.
The Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, with the color coordination of a blind man,
beat the Shaolin Wrecking Crew by DQ in a horribly botched finish by Ref
Hanson, who saw the DRS give Magic a belt shot earlier in the match, but
then hit the Wrecking Crew with a DQ after not seeing one five minutes
later. The DRS have really started to show something in their matches,
and are real bump machines that belie their size, especially in the case
of KC Blade, who bumps like a cruiserweight.
Jay Lethal retained his JAPW TV title over Dixie, who is about half a foot and 50 pounds off from main eventing RAW based on his work alone. Every move from Dixie was crisp and perfectly executed- even more impressive considering he worked a Ringworm of Honor show earlier that day. The guy just has unreal liveliness and love for his work that shows in all of his matches.
Intermission came, and kudos to Ricky O- yes, Ricky O, for doing two things:
1.) Not sucking up to anyone who’s criticized him in the past just
so they do a nice write up- and treating them like anyone else, which
apparently is with respect and courtesy.
2.) Acknowledging his past mistakes honestly and realizing he has to earn
the trust back he knows he lost from those mistakes.
Mafia pinned Slyk Wagner Brown after intermission to retain his JAPW Heavyweight title. Mafia won this match, the best match out of both promotions the Crew saw that day, with a Burning Hammer that dropped Slyk right on his head. Probably the best match Slyk’s had in a LONG time, and certainly the best singles match of Mafia’s career. Stiff, intense, head turning work from both workers in this one, as Slyk bumped all over the ring and took a great looking bump to the outside from the top rope. Mafia showed that he’s earned his singles spot and made the challenger look strong the entire match, a trait that always makes the champion look better when he finally does get the win. After all, who cares if someone beats a loser? Ask Triple H, who is seeing the effects of that asinine booking in the WWE right now.
Jerry Lawler pinned Terry Funk in the main event and gave 500 people in the Hungarian Center their money’s worth in a wonderfully booked, 20 minute match that went all over the ring and ringside. Lawler, who makes his living working live TV in front of a camera, took bumps he had every right not to take and looked to be in great shape. Funk is…well, Funk, and is the real Living Legend in the business. Lawler got the pin after a third piledriver onto a table in the middle of the ring, and Funk bled like a stuck pig in the best match involving guys in their 50s anyone is ever likely to see in their lifetime. Ref Hanson redeemed himself after the match by grabbing one of the Crew and asking if he “won the match”- this after getting laid out by Funk in the match.
Fat Frank managed to draw more than 11 times the people the CSWF show did using some of the same workers and being not three miles away. JAPW proved that there can be light at the end of the tunnel and that the wrestling business can offer dizzying highs and nauseating lows even in the same day.
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The comments and statements
do not necessarily reflect the opinions of Brett Schwan and the Wrestling
Clothesline (although many times, he comes damn close!). Please
feel free to email HIM with any comments, complaints, etc.
Jim has been watching wrestling for over 20 years and has followed and reported on indy wrestling for over 6 years. He's also a fan of the New York Giants, New York Yankees, St. John's Red Storm basketball, Alabama Crimson Tide football, and the New Jersey Devils, but please don't hold that against him.
Contact Jim at BilJim2@hotmail.com
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