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Never Say Never Again
After what’s been written previously in this column, one would guess that a Jersey Championship Wrestling show wasn’t in the near future. One would, of course, be mistaken. To quote Jeff Amdur, longtime fan and former timekeeper for several indy feds, “Wrestling is no place for people with long memories.”
With that in mind, Jersey Championship Wrestling held its latest show on Saturday, May 24th at the Paramus Elks Lodge. As usual, the Clothesline Crew started the evening early-this time around 2:30 with a feast at a nearby Hooters. As luck would have it, the one waitress with bronchitis and the voice most resembling Harley Race’s took our orders, taking the time to hoarsely tell poor Frank that root beer was no longer available. When did root beer become out of favor in Paramus?
Obviously, you’re not going to Hooters for the food, but the wings, chili, cheese fries, and hamburgers were all quite acceptable. JCW promoter Ricky O. and Showtime Shawn Sheridan took the time to show up and hand out fliers for the show, cracking us up with story after story and managing to find medication for the afflicted waitress. Piece of advice for any sniveling toadys hanging in an indy locker room in the future- when Shawn Sheridan asks you to see if there are cracks in his championship belt, DON’T LOOK. He supposedly nailed one already.
After repeated begging from Brett, ;) the next stop was the Satin Dolls down the highway, home of the Sopranos’ Bada Bing- and home to two Sopranos bus tours that afternoon. There really isn’t a way to describe the looks on some of the people’s faces on the tour who stopped in expecting to see Ralphie or Tony Soprano or Christopher or maybe even Paulie Walnuts only to see two strippers in bikinis bump butts on a dancer’s pole. Next time check the tour itinerary.
After being part of receiving the stupidest, pettiest, meet-your-quota ticket in law enforcement history, the Crew finally arrived at the Elks Lodge and took our seats at ringside for the 7:30 show that started at 7:45. (Brett's Note: Keep in mind if I had NOT been so kind as to drive Mr. Brambilla to Satin Doll, the absolute WORST club in the world, I never would have gotten such ticket. Thanks Jim!) That seems to be an indy tradition everywhere except Jim Kettner’s ECWA, but a long way off from Paul Heyman’s record of 7:30 shows starting at 8:20- if you’re lucky. This was a TV taping, so the commentators were introduced. Apparently, with the exception of the ring announcer, they all received the internal memo stating it was Casual Day in Jersey Championship Wrestling. Lord Clarence McDougal, who looks like Danny Bonaduce gone to seed, wore the jacket, but topped it off with a sash, jeans, and sneakers. His partner, Mike Berkowitz, decided to go for the All Grey look- but they both came off well and did a fine job, with McDougal playing the heel commentator role.
Lord McDougal introduced “The Sure Thing” John Shane and LiveWyre, a wrestler on the rise in the East Coast indys. Shane is a terrific manager and a great throwback to the old school styles of Bobby Heenan and Jim Cornette- even if his outfit had him mistaken for a chauffeur on a few occasions. Shane and LiveWyre stayed at ringside to do color commentary for the opening match and probably scared more than a few people when LiveWyre got on the mic.
The first match was Johnny Ova, aka one of the Maxx Brothers in the ECWA, defending his JCW Lightweight Title against Jay Needs a New Last Name Lethal. Lethal is constantly improving in the ring, and showed a neat little move during the match when he turned a Japanese armdrag into a pinning combination. Ova took a lot of offense and looked to lose the title when John Shane went out and began yelling at Jay Lethal’s mother, continuing their angle from the last JCW card. This distracted Lethal long enough for Ova to get the win with a schoolboy. Good way to open the show- until Ova got the mic.
Ova did a fine job on the mic- fine enough to be able to say that Don Montoya was his idol without breaking out into hysterics. This fine piece of acting ability brought out manager Devin Sturgis and Roy Jones, Jr. look alike Dirty Money, who rightfully laughed at poor Johnny Ova for idolizing Don Montoya. Don’t take this the wrong way- Don Montoya’s a great guy. Don Montoya wouldn’t idolize Don Montoya. Give credit to Ova for keeping a straight face even when Montoya came out to defend his honor and challenge Dirty Money in a title vs. title match. This brought out John Shane and the JCW tag champs the Dirty Rotten Scoundrelz, as this was clearly the Emulate RAW’s Opening 20 Minutes portion of the show.
Shane and the Scoundrelz decided to get in on the fun and put their belts on the line, which naturally brought JCW Commissioner Fred the Elephant Boy into the ring to clear things up. This is a sure sign things are headed for a disaster when Fred the Elephant Boy is assigned to clear up anything. Ricky O. must have lost a bet with Fred’s agent. Thankfully, Nick Niosi was there to translate Fred’s rulings, and stated that the main event would be a Fatal Four Way with all of the titles on the line. Time to get out the scorecards to try and keep up- this gets worse as it goes along.
J Static (w/Ace Darling) then faced Josh Daniels. Daniels is one of the top five workers out there, and showed his true worth as he did a great job carrying Static to a good match. Static looks and wrestles like Shawn Stasiak, which is good and bad. Darling interfered towards the end as he attacked Daniels on the outside and did a terrific flying DDT off the top rope, which helped Static get the pin. If that’s not Ace Darling’s finisher, then it should be. Vicious looking move that only requires timing on the opponent’s part to pancake themselves face first onto the mat to make it look brutal. Daniels looked good, but didn’t get a shot at this point to show too much. That came later.
Rob Eckos came out next with his JCW manager Mike Winner to face LiveWyre who came out with John Shane. Eckos was “taken out of action” by LiveWyre previously to explain his legit broken ankle, so this match was disappointing as it didn’t have the aura of revenge or emotion around it like most return matches do- mostly because Eckos is still being positioned as a heel. However, the match was well booked, as Eckos concentrated on LiveWyre’s leg throughout, which caused his leg to give out as he attempted his finisher. Winner pulled the ref out after this which brought over Shane to deliver a total whipping on Winner outside the ring. Jay Lethal then came out and hit a Dragon Suplex on LiveWyre, which got Eckos a three count and the victory. Lots of interference on the card, but each was explainable and advanced storylines, which is the only reason for any interference- not to soothe egos of people who don’t want to job in a predetermined business. To quote Ace Darling from his 10 Questions, “It’s a freekin’ work!”
The Dirty Rotten Scoundrelz came out next with John Shane, who should have saved himself some time and just stayed out there after his last match, to defend their titles against Los Boricuas. The match stipulation had Shane handcuffed to Jay Lethal at ringside, and the Boricuas took immediate advantage to the cheers of the 90 or so there by attacking the DRS during their usual interminable ring entrance. Boricuas had most of the offense, which is a good move since the DRS work better taking bumps all over the place. The Evil Bandido made his presence known at the end of the match when he pulled the ref out of the ring, emulating Mike Winner, which was probably the first and last time anyone’s ever emulated Mike Winner. The finish was the exact finish of the Team Angle vs. Tajiri and Eddy match on last Thursday’s Smackdown, as the ref DQ’ed Los Boricuas because Tony was caught holding the tag belt- even though he didn’t use it.
Once the match was over, Lethal was attacked by LiveWyre and got Shane out of the handcuffs. Shane then grabbed Lethal’s mother and pulled her, kicking and screaming, into the ring. The DRS, who had taken off, came back into the ring to help out Shane and LiveWyre, who needed help against the incredibly feisty Mrs. Lethal, who really earned her surname. Great job of selling from someone not even in the business both physically and emotionally. Los Boricuas made the save.
Striker made a surprise appearance in the next match, as he wasn’t scheduled or announced to be on the card, facing John Walters, who must look for the most glaring kind of tights imaginable. The Electric Blue tights were an improvement over his Easter Purple tights from the ECWA show, though. Striker and Walters had the match of the night, with Striker taking Walter’s move of falling back and hitting Walters in the back with his knees. There is no way that move isn’t painful, no matter how many times you do it. Walters returned the favor later, using the move Striker called Death to Smoochy but could more accurately be called the LungBlower. Striker picked up the victory with his Overdrive finisher, aka the Roll of the Dice Test uses in the WWE.
Team Ethic, comprised of Dave Greco and Dixie, came out next with Queen of the Catfight Noel to take on Dan Barry and Max Cranky Pants Devlin. Everyone got a chance to shine in the ring, and out in Noel’s case, except for Undertaker lookalike Devlin. Maybe that’s why he was so cranky. Dixie has all the tools, period. Probably one of the top five workers out there right now, and certainly the best of anyone his size. Greco kept up doing a great spinebuster on Barry, who took all the bumps for his team and showed some great offense, including a picture perfect twisting bodypress onto Greco. Dixie kept the Claw Streak alive for the Clothesline Crew and nailed a Kryptonite Krunch on Barry, with the twist of having Barry land on Dixie’s KNEE. Ow. Team Ethic got the win after Devlin left his partner to powerwalk to the back. Maybe it was less cranky and more Devlin being constipated- no one’s really sure.
Noel went back and came out again, this time with Ace Darling, who faced
the Hired Assassin Dan Maff, formerly known as Mafia of Da Hit Squad.
Darling countered the Worst Name Change Ever with the Worst Tights Ever
but meshed very well with the stiff ring style of Maff. Ace at one point
threatened to remove the offensive tights, which would have gotten JCW
off the air in every market. He did his best to combat Maff’s stiff
shots with some of his own, but Maff’s counters brought Ace to the
outside, where he received an Atomic Wedgie and landed on some dumb bastard’s
lap in the process. Neat psychology in this match as Ace successfully
avoided most of Maff’s signature moves, like the running roll to
the corner and the Burning Hammer, which Ace rolled out of and countered
with a superkick. Josh Daniels then came out and got his revenge on Darling
as he crotched Ace on the top rope, which allowed Maff to get the pin
with…a schoolboy. Why not the Burning Hammer? It seemed rather odd
that Dan Maff, a wrestler known for working tough, hardcore matches, would
resort to a schoolboy to pin an incapacitated opponent. Strange ending
to a good, good match- and someone with full life insurance coverage needs
to tell Dan Maff to ditch the new name.
One Night in Bangkok was then played over the speakers, which brought out Showtime Shawn Sheridan and his tag partner and “son” Shawndito, who were accompanied by Amber, holding The Way. They faced Damian Dragon and Foxxy, aka Disturbed Dreams. Sheridan plays the chickenshit heel to perfection, as he started the match running away from Dragon and then telling Dragon to stop running. The chip off the old block Shawndito had most of the ring work as Sheridan was busy eating a non-sponsored hot dog and neglecting the pretzel and water follow up. Foxxy got a lot of ring time for her first time in the ring in three years (!) and did a respectable job keeping up with Sheridan and Shawndito. More good booking as Shawndito kept refusing to splash Foxxy while Sheridan refused to take her seriously in the ring to his ultimate detriment. The finish came after Foxxy hit a tornado DDT on Sheridan, who landed on the timekeeper’s bell. Sheridan managed to keep everything going the entire match and came off like JCW’s version of the Rock- the guy the fans love to hate. Dragon and Foxxy make an eye-catching team and work well with each other. Shawndito, much like Tyler Payne in the ECWA, is in a good position as he gets exposure in his current role as the put upon, reluctant heel, and the eventual face turn will get him some great heat. The Way was disappointingly quiet and subdued.
The main event topped the show, following referee Brian Beaker’s walking personal ad that should have been capped with the sign being broken in half over the first sociopath’s head you could find. In the main event, Don Montoya teamed with Dirty Money (w/Devin Sturgis) to face the JCW tag team champions the Dirty Rotten Scoundrelz (w/”The Sure Thing” John Shane) in a Fatal Four Way match where all of the JCW titles were on the line. That Carpal Tunnel inducing description was no indication as to the cluster that followed. Montoya showed he has no future in the counting industry as he geared the crowd to start chanting after the count of three- and then he never bothered to start the count. Skipping John Shane was not available for comment.
The tag team match started, and started off promisingly until Montoya got tagged in to face Dirty Money- his tag team partner. So…it’s a tag match- until one guy gets tagged in and faces his partner? Ummm…anyway, the match disintegrated to an outside-the-ring brawl and then to the outside of the Elks Lodge. As they got back into the ring, Montoya make a cover but- get this- it’s broken up by his tag partner Dirty Money. Montoya then returns the favor. So…in a Fatal Four Way that’s also a tag match with all titles on the line, one team is completely disinterested in pinning their opponents and taking their tag team titles? This causes Montoya and Dirty Money to fight, as well as fan’s eyes to roll and in some cases remain crossed. EC Negro and KC Blade from the DRS also had dissension after a missed move off the second rope. This happened twice in the match. Finally, Blade and Negro realized, 15 minutes into the match, that if one of them pinned the other, they’d keep their tag team titles. So that’s what they did- 15 minutes into a match and after they had beaten on each other. Twice!
So…according to the angle, Montoya and Dirty Money agreed to tag up to face the tag team champions the DRS, and they further agreed that whoever pinned who would get the title of whoever got pinned. Unless the tag team champions are the stupidest wrestlers in the history of the business, this is a Win-Win situation for them. Why it took the DRS 15 minutes to figure out they could pin each other and keep their titles is another situation entirely. Perhaps winning titles causes severe side effects, as in the angle, Montoya and Dirty Money look like utter lunkheads for agreeing to these stipulations in the first place. Other side effects must include, in DRS’s case, continuing their gimmick and staying in character after the show, which causes headaches in anyone trying to talk to the DRS. In this day and age, with all the news and information out there, and how eager people are to get that news and information, it makes no sense at all to stay in character when 95% of the people going to indy shows know “It’s a freekin’ work” and realize that guys named EC Negro and KC Blade aren’t going to be writing checks with those names- and won’t care either way if they’re the same guys outside the ring as they are inside the ring.
The main event notwithstanding, this was a solid outing for JCW, who seems to have cornered the market on up and coming talent in the East Coast indys. Guys like Dan Barry, Dixie, Dave Greco, Ace Darling, Josh Daniels, Striker, John Walters, Dan Please Go Back to Mafia Maff, Shawn Sheridan, Damian Dragon, Jay Lethal, John Shane, and LiveWyre are just going to shine on any show they’re on- and having them all on one show is a guaranteed winner.
JCW runs again on June 8th with the return of Reckless Youth, fresh off his win of the inaugural Peterson Cup in Florida. Check out jcwwrestling.com for more details- it’s not to be missed.
And it won’t be in this column again.
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The comments and statements
do not necessarily reflect the opinions of Brett Schwan and the Wrestling
Clothesline (although many times, he comes damn close!). Please
feel free to email HIM with any comments, complaints, etc.
Jim has been watching wrestling for over 20 years and has followed and reported on indy wrestling for over 6 years. He's also a fan of the New York Giants, New York Yankees, St. John's Red Storm basketball, Alabama Crimson Tide football, and the New Jersey Devils, but please don't hold that against him.
Contact Jim at BilJim2@hotmail.com
