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Real Sports Entertainment
The East Coast Wrestling Association returned to the St. Matthew’s
Parish Center on Saturday, May 3rd, and showed the 300 or so there the
ideal version of sports entertainment. Interesting storylines combined
with wrestlers telling those stories in the ring, where any logical storyline
should end- not in a hotel room, back parking lot, bedroom, funeral home,
hospital bed, or anyplace stupidly introduced to a wrestling storyline
recently.
The night began once again at 4:00 in the afternoon at Season’s
Pizza, home of the World’s Blandest Food. How do you manage to screw
up a cheeseburger to the point of it tasting like a piece of carpet? How
is it possible to mangle nachos, or make “hot” chicken wings
barely above tepid? Thank God for Old Bay seasoning- and the availability
of alcohol.
Somehow before the show, the line formed behind us, even though we weren’t
actually on line, and were too busy haranguing Mega and the J Team. “Scoops”
heard on the line waiting to get in included Jeff Hardy doing a run in
at the Parish Center, and the ongoing ridiculousness going on with the
NWA and its various incarnations. The day Jeff Hardy shows up unannounced
in any indy federation is the same day you’ll hear about the Dumbest
Promoter in Wrestling History. That title is current shared by the two
carnys who thought a character named “Chemical” Ali would make
them a dime- and who happen to run under the NWA banner.
Everyone who entered the Parish Center was pleased to receive an invitation
to that night’s ceremony held by Prince Nana, who promised last month
to bathe Ace Darling in the finest soaps of Ghana. A great example of
working an interesting and entertaining angle around great wrestling.
Now with Striker’s heel turn, he was being included in the ceremony,
which may have been the deciding factor to turn his back on all his ECWA
fans and friends. Supposedly that’s what was promised to Goldberg
in the WWE.
Cheetah and his 1614 gym lackey came out before the show started and
tossed out T-shirts. Despite Ron’s pleas, none were thrown back.
The show began a little after 7:00 with a few vignettes on the ECWATron,
which is always used in the best possible manner. Every piece of film
was used to give history, explanations, and introductions to the evening’s
matches, and not used as the primary source of action and main focus for
the entire night, like it would be used anyplace else by people with 150
times more of a budget but proportionately less in brains.
The first match of the night had the Maximos and new ECWA female wrestler
Mercedes beat Billy Bax, Rob Eckos, and Venom, accompanied by Carlton
P. Hightower. Carlton continued his feud with Trinity, who apparently
put on the card, taken off, and put back on the card. Too bad nobody updated
Carlton, who badmouthed Trinity on the mic but never bothered to read
one of the 300 or so free programs handed out to everyone before the show
stating Trinity was going to be there and not noticing there wasn’t
a referee already in the ring. Sure enough, the “special guest referee”
was Trinity. Nice idea, horrible execution.
The match almost put a hex on the whole evening, as Trinity blew several
ref spots and the Maximos were just terrible. The Maximos have managed
to go downhill faster than any team in recent memory, which is extremely
disappointing considering they were touted as a terrific team just last
year. Now they have just deteriorated in and out of the ring doing spots
they had no problem doing in the past- like a dive to the outside one
Maximo just totally kerfuddled- making the entire opposing team just stand
on the outside waiting for him to get it right. Venom the Wild Samoan
showed a lot of back but not much else, and Mercedes did fine in her limited
role. Ruffhouse Rivera did a brief run-in during the match, continuing
the injury angle with Inferno, but was held back by security, including
George Costanza’s lost twin brother.
With Red injured, the next match lost some of its luster, as Mike "that
Mean Spiteful Bastard" Kruel went from a contender’s match to
facing “Hurricane” John Walters, who was recently on Smackdown
against Team Angle. Walters made the regrettable choice of wearing shiny
purple tights, which almost turned Mike Kruel face and prompted concerns
from several parents in the crowd who thought Easter was over. Kruel wrestled
a good match, however, concentrating on Walter’s left arm in an illustration
of great ring psychology, and winning the match, pinning Walters with
his feet on the ropes. Kruel might live up to his last name by picking
on unfortunate young, dashing fans, and has a nasty tendency of bleeding
in every single match he’s in, but he wrestles smart matches.
Prince Nana was up next, and he pinned the Japanese Poolboy to win the
ECWA Mid Atlantic Title. Disappointing in one aspect, as Poolboy was used
so well last month and was pretty much squashed here after getting in
most of the offense in a brief match. OK, two aspects- as Poolboy did
not come out like he did last month to ABBA’s “Dancing Queen.”
However, with Nana being the focus of the promotion as its lead heel,
it made sense to give him a title and build up opponents giving him chase
to get that title. Nana was accompanied by his growing entourage that
now includes Tyler Payne as his manservant. Nice role for Payne, as it
automatically positions him well and sets up a possible face turn down
the road.
Cheetah Master pinned Mozart Fontaine in the next match. Smart booking
here as Fontaine jumped Cheetah during his interminable ring entrance
and it was clear how he wrestled that he had scouted Cheetah, or at least
had watched a few of his matches. Cheetah did win after a splash off the
top, which was rather disappointing, since Mozart can be used in a much
better fashion than just fodder for Cheetah. After the match, Cheetah
showed true maturity, class, and professionalism by going to the outside
and punching Mozart right in the face. The last true babyface in professional
wrestling is now beating up his opponents post-match. In related news,
Hell has frozen over.
Ace Darling and Striker successfully defended their ECWA tag titles against
the Maxx Brothers in another logical continuation from two months ago,
as the Maxx Brothers were blindsided by Nana and Mega to set up the title
win. The ECWA does the best job of any indy in its use of their Web site
and ECWATron when it comes to explaining matches and angles. Darling and
Striker mesh very well as a tag team, which showed in the finish, as they
executed a beautiful double slingshot suplex off the ropes on Johnny Maxx
Abs. Ditch the Royal Decision moniker and you’ve got a great tag
team.
It was then time for Intermission, as the Solution and John Curse were
shocked, SHOCKED, to find out that there’s a new tag team in Jersey
Championship Wrestling that had the unmitigated gall to steal the Solution’s
finisher, the Problem Solver. Never minding that this finisher is a must
see move with a terrific name, it’s unconscionable that another tag
team would just blatantly take that move from a team that originated it
in the first place in a pizza parlor- of all places. This “new”
team, Los Problemos, apparently are under masks, and only through the
eyes of one attentive fan was this miscarriage of justice brought to the
attention of the Solution.
OK, some people might see this as a joke. Some might think that this
fan may be the most clueless person on God’s green earth. But Havok
might have seven kids to support, and Papadon has enough trouble with
Webmasters and other people misspelling his name. Bad enough there, let
alone having a fan come up to them and inform them that there’s another
tag team out there with the same mannerisms as the Solution, the same
finisher, the same look, and with the only differentiations being that
they’re under masks and apparently from Mexico. Wrestling is a tough
business.
After Intermission, it was time for the Royal Coronation, as Ace Darling
and Striker were to be inducted into the Ashanti tribe of Ghana, West
Africa. The ceremony began with the cute as a button yet unannounced as
Tara Charisma spreading flower petals while ES Easton did a spot on impersonation
of Bluto from Animal House as he read the shaking proclamation to start
the ceremony. Nana came out in full garb, accompanied by Mega, Darling,
Payne, and Striker. No members of the rival Aaliyah tribe were present.
However, as it was so astutely pointed out on the ECWATron, somebody
(Payne) forgot the “sacred water,” which was hopefully flown
in considering the dearth of quality water in Delaware. Mega, the slowest
person out there, was chosen for some reason to go back and get the container,
but found it spilled on the floor. Mega, who has been fixated on Trinity
recently, spotted her locker room, making her the only person in ECWA
history to be designated a locker. This hypnotic door distracted him from
getting the water filled. Trinity must hold a special place in Mega’s
huge heart, as it only took a locker room door to befuddle him, prevent
him from getting the water filled himself, and thankfully keep him away
from the defenseless nearby concession stand.
Luckily the men’s room was right next to Trinity’s locker room,
but Mega made the huge mistake of trusting whoever was in there to fill
the container. As the ECWATron pointed out when Mega left, it was Cheetah,
who must have taken advantage of the cheap beer over at Season’s
before the show, as he implied through his actions that he filled the
container with…well, his own water, to be polite. More fun booking,
even with the scatological references, which logically ends in the wrestling
ring, as any angles should. Luckily for Nana, his finely tuned senses
noted that the sacred water was “tainted” (to put it mildly)
and the royal entourage then left the ring to find out who was responsible.
Imagine that conversation when Nana found out his most hated opponent
in the ECWA took their feud to a whole new, disturbing level.
While they were tinkling about and whizzing from one room to another
trying to get someone to leak the information as to who tainted the water,
Nick Malakai debuted for the ECWA against Mr. Ooh La La. Malakai makes
Joey Maxx look like PN News, but had a good showing against the perfect
initial opponent in front of what appeared to be the entire Malakai family
tree. Ooh’s manager Carlton P. Hightower continued to show no interest
in reading any ECWA publications as he tore up about half a dozen invitations
that Brett was kind enough to give to him. Yes, Carlton was already there
anyway for the invitation- as were the people in the crowd, but it’s
pretty rude to tear up all those invitations that were meant to be a polite
gesture. On a side note, Brett may have already regained vision in the
eye Carlton nearly poked out with one of the invitations he threw back.
Too bad he didn’t before he drove Ron and Frank home- or wherever
they ended up that night.
Ooh La La actually got the pin after Carlton grabbed his arms to prevent
the full execution of Malakai’s sunset flip from the outside, but
Trinity came out and actually pulled off her ref spot by pointing out
to the match ref that Ooh La La cheated, so the match was restarted. Ooh
La La responded with his own sunset flip that set sunset flips back about
100 years, but Malakai blocked it on his own and scored the pinfall in
the restart.
Prince Nana then came back out and in his frustration challenged Cheetah’s
gym lackey, who showed the emotion of a panda but managed to keep Nana
distracted long enough for Cheetah to enter the ring and pour the tainted
container onto Nana who was standing on the outside. You know you’re
over when you beat up your opponent after the match, piss into a container,
pour it over someone’s head, which would certainly hit some of the
fans at ringside- and still get a pop. Now that all of that is established,
time to get Cheetah into a better role- and having him get taken out by
an up and coming heel would be a good start and a great way to use him
in the legends role that keeps him hot and establishes new stars. Maybe
Mozart again next month?
Xero beat Mega in a lumberjack match attended by both sides of the ECWA
locker room- even Bax and Eckos, despite their inability to keep their
pants on during the match. Xero is legit strong, as is Mega, since they
both pulled off bodyslams, but Xero either has the strongest clothesline
or worst armpit odor in the business, as he missed by about eight inches
on one but it still managed to knock down Mega. Maybe Mega was full from
the sacrificed children and unfinished furniture he devoured before the
show. Xero was knocked down on a few occasions as well, and thankfully
did not rock himself to sleep trying to get back up.
The J Team (JJ Johnston and JR Ryder) came out during the match and turned
on Xero, giving him their version of the 27 point inspection- which could
have made them the ultimate babyfaces for some in the crowd. The only
problem with that is that they were positioned as babyfaces last month.
Hopefully they’re now being positioned as tweeners- the thought of
Sebastian Knight as a babyface manager is enough to induce nightmares.
Xero did end up winning the match, which continued Mega’s slow face
turn as he was abandoned by the entire heel contingent after the match.
The final match of the evening had Christopher Daniels beat Paul London
and Chance Beckett to retain the ECWA Heavyweight Title. The absolute
best and smartest way to position the main title- by having the two Super
8 standouts back in to contend for it. It also helps that Daniels treats
the title like his most prized possession. The ECWATron interviews set
the match up wonderfully, with Daniels giving one of the best promos in
indy history as he set up the match. Daniels, in about three minutes,
presented his ECWA history as Super 8 runner up and subsequent winner,
how he attained his ultimate goal of winning the ECWA title, and showing
that he feels he has the clear advantage in the title match over his two
opponents- but not running them down on the mic, showing his respect.
The match just built off of all of their promos, and delivered in spades.
Beckett came out in the same fashion as last month, cooking around ringside
like a spitfire and establishing himself as an aggressive, cocky heel.
As expected, Beckett is getting all of those deserved bookings thanks
to his outstanding showing in the Super 8, but his work here was tremendous,
and even better than what he showed last month. Both he and Paul London
appeared to be fully recovered from the beatings they absorbed in the
Super 8 (even if Beckett now has a permanent scar on his chin), and Daniels
showed why he’s considered the best in the business. All three combine
aerials with innovative submissions, with the best one, and the highlight
of the night, coming from Daniels, who put Beckett in a Boston Crab on
top of London- who he then locked into a Camel Clutch. The place naturally
popped through the roof, and Beckett and London played right off the move,
as Beckett did a similar submission on Daniels followed by London locking
in his version of the Camel Clutch.
These three went at least 35 minutes but hopefully could have gone for
days. Unfortunately, it didn’t- Daniels won after hitting his Angel
Wings (floating Pedigree) on London after taking out Beckett. Each move
in the match built off of the previous one, and all three flew around
the ring like they were on strings. Breathtaking, graceful moves by each
one, and the Parish Center gave them all a deserved standing ovation at
the end, even if Beckett marched right to the back, continuing to put
over his gritty heel gimmick.
The ECWA delivered once again, and could give lessons to former billion
dollar companies on how to properly promote their product. With not even
a thousandth of the budget of the WWE, the ECWA managed to use backstage
vignettes, amusing in ring angles, filmed interviews, along with match
and angle previews to get the presentation of their product over in the
most appropriate place possible- in the ring.
Sports entertainment at its finest- and it will be seen again on July
26th in the St. Matthew’s Parish Center.
----
The comments and statements
do not necessarily reflect the opinions of Brett Schwan and the Wrestling
Clothesline (although many times, he comes damn close!). Please
feel free to email HIM with any comments, complaints, etc.
Jim has been watching wrestling for over 20 years and has followed and reported on indy wrestling for over 6 years. He's also a fan of the New York Giants, New York Yankees, St. John's Red Storm basketball, Alabama Crimson Tide football, and the New Jersey Devils, but please don't hold that against him.
Contact Jim at BilJim2@hotmail.com
