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Will Bleed for Food
At the last 3PW show on November 22nd, one of the main events was Dusty Rhodes vs. Kevin Sullivan in a bullrope match in one of the worst matches in professional wrestling history.
First, a rundown of the show:
Crowbar beat Striker in the opening match that showed how much so many indy feds who don't book Striker are missing the boat. Every single thing he did in that match was entertaining, from his "babyface comebacks" that never worked to yelling "Oh My God" in a high pitched voice after a low blow. Striker continues to be inventive and original in indy wrestling.
Blue Meanie pinned White Lotus, who really needs a name change. Anyone ever think they'll hear "Your new heavyweight champion, the White Lotus!" over any microphone? And he needs a new look. Low Rent Ki isn't cutting it.
Joey Matthews beat Josh Daniels and Rob Eckos in a three way dance. Matthews looked totally out of place in this match compared to Eckos and Daniels, who are in great shape. Matthews...isn't- but he did a great bit when he took a beer and poured it on the floor rather than drinking it. The incredibly respectful and classy Philadelphia "fans" responded with boos and a few particularly quality examples of life pelted him with beer cans. Brilliant marketing- sell cans of beer to white trash fans in Philadelphia. Philadelphia "fans" are disgusting.
"Pit Bull" Gary Wolfe over Jasmin's "new protege" Jason Knight. What a stellar debut- get introduced, forget to Grecian Formula your hair, making you look like a 45 year old soccer dad trying to be a wrestler, and get pinned in your return match. Great booking for Jason Knight.
Ron "the Truth" Killings pinned Kid Kash in the best match of the night. Killings is a terrific find and is deservedly pushed to the moon in the NWA TNA promotion. How the WWE let him go is a total mystery- then again, Triple HGH is on TV and even the cover of the Smackdown video game, a "brand" he doesn't even wrestle for, so maybe it's not that much of a mystery. Killings did five minutes of mic work cracking on a few fans that was better than anything that's been on WWE TV in the past six months. He's got a great look, works his ass off in and out of the ring, and powerbombed Cash off the stage through a table.
3PW had its Naughty Nightie contest, featuring three nobodies they must have plucked from some poorly lit strip club. Joey Matthews, who did about three minutes of actual ring work in the earlier three way match, was the "judge" and tried to kiss the "winner," who couldn't be bothered to react to his mic work or pretend to be afraid when he actually grabbed her. There are dozens of women dying to be in the wrestling business, and they used this bim? Bad choice...but not as bad as the expected run-in, featuring Tod "Out the Door Five Minutes After the Show Ends" Gordon and the new 911, the ridiculously named Annihilation, who only seemed to annihilate his own credibility as he barely chokeslammed Matthews, a guy literally half his size.
Rockin' Rebel pinned the Angry Amish Roadkill after using a fireball (!!). Rebel IS the soccer dad trying to be a wrestler. Did 75% of the people who worked the show live within a 10 mile radius of the Arena?
Sabu pinned Syxx Pac to retain his 3PW title after putting him through what must have been about the sixth table used in the match. In Sabu's corner was Tod Gordon and the aforementioned lump, who has no presence despite being at least seven feet tall. Syxx Pac was a true pro in this one- taking monster bumps after a hellacious week that included an epidural just so he could show up and work. He actually got on the mic after the match and apologized, saying he should have been better. Totally unnecessary- his punking out of the asshat who spit on him during his entrance was so satisfying he could have slept in the middle of the ring. A great performance from a surprising source in Syxx Pac, who (maybe deservedly) has a bad reputation due to his locker room buddies and antics, but showed none of that in this match. A nice surprise.
However...
The other "main event" started right before Sabu and Syxx Pac's match, and if you went to the rest room, you missed it. Dusty Rhodes won a seven minute bullrope match.
Repeat: A SEVEN MINUTE BULLROPE MATCH.
Rhodes did absolutely nothing except blade in this joke of a match. Sullivan at least showed up looking fit and aggressive, but Rhodes leaned against the ropes, wheezed, and did zero. When Sullivan dragged him to the outside, Rhodes actually SAT DOWN on the ring steps as Sullivan continued to punch him in the forehead. Rhodes never left his feet, never took one bump, and didn't do one single wrestling move aside from his business exposing "bionic elbow." Rhodes looked every bit the 67 year old man he is- wait, he's in his 50s?- and embarrassed himself and 3PW with his non-performance.
Forgetting how you justify paying someone for that kind of "work"- how in the world do you justify having a bullrope match that goes seven minutes? Bullrope matches are specialty matches used to settle a feud that's been going on for at least a few months. Sullivan and Rhodes have history going back at least TWENTY YEARS, dating back to their days in Florida. And they went seven fucking minutes.
Dusty Rhodes has been in the business for 35 years, at least according to the T shirt he was hawking at intermission and immediately after the show (looking the same as he did at intermission). In 35 years, he has given the business far, far less than what he's taken from it. For every concept like War Games, there's a Dusty Finish. For every great promo, there's him booking a promotion like the NWA into ruin. For every great angle, like Nikita Koloff's face turn, there's something else that ruins the memory- like his run in the WWF where he humiliated himself and his family for a few bucks and got "receipts" for all the BS he's pulled on others in the business. This match showed that he just continues to take and take and take.
Rhodes is scheduled to face Abdullah the Butcher next month, as he will apparently continue to ruin the already horrible reputation he has in the business, and cheapen himself for a few lousy dollars.
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Jim has been watching
wrestling for over 20 years and has followed and reported on indy wrestling
for over 6 years. He's also a fan of the New York Giants, New York Yankees,
St. John's Red Storm basketball, Alabama Crimson Tide football, and the
New Jersey Devils, but please don't hold that against him.
Contact Jim at BilJim2@simpsons.com
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Previous Columns:
Watching Tazz is Tough Enough
Seven in Two
Getting Your Moneys Worth
How Not to Run and Indy
If That's What it Takes, They Don't Have It!
Customer Service in the Wrestling Business
Consider the Source
How Much Would You Pay?
Living Off The Past
Enough
Already
What
A Cop Out
Climbing
the Psychic Hotline
Subtleties
Pure Carny Scum
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The comments and statements do not necessarily reflect the opinions of
Brett Schwan and the Wrestling Clothesline (although many times, he comes
damn close!)
