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"I'm having this two week old column corrected so people will know that anytime they're clamoring for the going rate of Bushwhacker Luke to go to www.indybookings.com"
How Much Would
YOU Pay??
If you've ever watched RAW, Smackdown, or any indy show and thought to yourself, "I can do that- I can book better than those guys," be prepared to break your piggy bank.
I got a hold of the rates some wrestling "superstars" are charging to be booked, and it's not pretty. Looking at this (yet another) list, I found my emotions ranged from anger, disgust, to laughing so hard I nearly fell out of my chair. Think about being a promoter, and ask yourself if some of these guys (and gals) are really going to put asses in seats.
Here are some great examples:
BIG VITO - WCW Hardcore Champion - Newark, NJ - Rate: $500
Vito, formerly Skull von Crush in ECW if anyone remembers, actually is featured as a "WCW Hardcore Champion." Was there anyone in WCW who wasn't Hardcore Champion? Hell, I think the second turnbuckle was Hardcore champ in the WWF for a period of time. (and don't get me started on the new WWE- from the Whiff to the Wheeee? How embarrassing.) Anyway, how long was Vito a featured "star" in WCW, two months?
BRIAN "GRANDMASTER SEXY" CHRISTOPHER - Memphis, TN - Rate: $1,500
I'm sure the kids
will love watching a grown man acting like Flavor Flav, but they're not
paying for the tickets, and they're certainly not paying $1,500.00 to
bring him in from Memphis. And that brings up another point- is the promoter
expected to pay trans for these guys? Most of them, specially the ones who worked in WCW or the WWF, have racked up enough
frequent flyer miles to buy their own airplanes. Let them plunk down a
few bucks to come to Podunk, Iowa to wrestle your local hero champ.
This is an absolute riot- who ever paid money for a wrestling show or pay per view because Buff Bagwell was on it? I love how he's described as a "WWF Superstar" based on his one appearance with the WWF- an abysmal performance against Booker T on RAW that just might have sealed the fate of the "new WCW" before it even got off the ground. Bagwell's an industry joke known for pitching girlish fits about jobbing, as if losing in a professional wrestling match means anything. Ask yourself if paying $1,500.00 so a few fans can chant "Where's Your Mother?" or "You Got Fired" is really worth it. Bagwell at one time was a mediocre at best worker, but ever since his neck injury at the hands of the real Crippler, Rick Steiner, has rapidly descended into a cure for insomnia in the ring.
BUSHWHACKER LUKE - Tampa, FL - Rate: $500 [BUSHWHACKER BUTCH is currently recovering from hospitalization but will be back.] AN ALTERNATE BUSHWHACKER [who is Australian] IS AVAILABLE TO TEAM WITH LUKE - THE TEAM RATE IS ONLY $800.
What a bargain! Book Luke, who hit his prime in 1984, with some alternate no one's ever seen and no one knows if he/she can actually work. I'd be afraid of shelling out $800.00 only to find out Luke grabbed some skell out of the subways and put a Bushwhacker outfit on them.
HINT #1: If the first thought that comes to mind when thinking of who to book is, "I thought he was dead," then don't book that wrestler.
CHAVO GUERRERO - Wrestling Veteran - El Paso, Texas - Rate: $500
HINT #2: Just because some guy's son is wrestling on TV or featured on some insult of a "reality wrestling" show as a trainer doesn't mean people will pay to see his father wrestle. Think of it this way- do you want to pay money to see Larry Hennig in the ring these days?
CHRIS CANDIDO AND SUNNY - New Jersey - Rate: $800 gets you BOTH Chris and Sunny [Tammy Sytch]. Tammy is now able to legally use the name SUNNY; she owns it.
What a shame. These two should have been headlining cards six years ago, not reduced to living off of a past they'll never be able to achieve again. Candido is one of the most talented, entertaining wrestlers I have EVER SEEN. To see him working in some obscure town in the middle of nowhere against someone not a tenth the worker he is because people can't handle success is just a fucking tragedy.
CROWBAR - WCW High-Flyer - Rutherford, NJ - Rate: $500
Crowbar should be working in for Vince McMahon, not breaking his back for $500.00 a night doing moves that $500.00 won't begin to pay to recover from.
DAN "THE BEAST" SEVERN - WWF/UFC Superstar - Coldwater, Michigan - $500
Poor Dan. A legit wrestler who's probably one of the strongest guys working today and he can't catch a break because he has the charisma of a wilted flower. And whoever's doing this list needs to do their homework as Severn was the NWA World Champion for a LONG time and got a lot of bookings on that title alone.
DISCO INFERNO - Atlanta, GA - $700 for Friday or weekend shows; $500 for weekday shows
What promoter would think that Disco Inferno would fill the need for a show on a Tuesday night? And isn't Inferno part of that joke of a WWA crew that includes Jeremy Borash, who's had no proven success doing anything that wasn't on the Internet? A year and a half of sucking up and now he's a booker. I guess anything CAN happen.
DIVERSITY5 - Formerly the "Nitro Girls" - Fyre, Spice, Chiquita, Tygress,and Chae have a FULL LENGTH, "LAS VEGAS STYLE" INTERMISSION SHOW - the costumes and HOT moves that you remember from the Nitro Girls - when booked as a group, the girls are available at $200 each.
Shouldn't that be the Diversity15- as in "Your 15 Minutes Are Just About Up" for this crew? This "Las Vegas" show would go over REAL WELL in some of the venues I've seen shows in. Imagine these five clowns grinding it up in a VFW hall. Guess all that backstage kanoodling with all the married workers didn't pay off in the long run for some of the group.
FRANCINE - ECW "Queen of Extreme" - Philadelphia, PA - Rate: $500
Shouldn't she be in court trying to get the $44.000.00 she's supposedly owed by Paul Heyman? Christ, someone owes me $44.00 and I'm camped out on their front lawn. Doesn't anyone in the business have an ounce of self-respect?
THE FUNKSTER - This is WCW Superstar ALLAN FUNK's popular "Hulk Hogan" parody gimmick - Atlanta, GA - Rate: $500
Well, I think I just answered my own question. How bad is your life when your whole career is now based on ripping off another wrestler? This gimmick got one honest, solid laugh out of it and Funk's going to milk it for the rest of his life.
HECTOR GUERRERO - WCW Superstar, brother of Eddie - Tampa, FL - Rate:$500
See HINT #2 and change "father" to "brother." If you're going to book LazerTron, book fucking LAZERTRON. Do you think Joe Schmo is going to see a poster and scream, "I gotta go- Hector's on the card!!" When has a Hector in any profession the cause of excitement or entertainment? And who's next in that family- is Eddie's great aunt going to be booked at a rate of #$300.00?
KWEE WEE [aka ALLAN FUNK] - WCW Superstar - Atlanta, GA - Rate: $500
Imagine the poor, stupid bastard who sees this list and books Allan Funk twice.
LARRY ZBYSZKO - WCW Wrestler/Announcer - Atlanta, GA - Rate: $500
I wouldn't have paid $500.00 to book Larry in 1981- how much do you think I'd pay to get him now? Let him rant about things that happened TWENTY YEARS AGO somewhere else. If someone stalls for half a match is he going to sue them for gimmick infringement like he's doing with Vince McMahon and Chris Jericho now?
HINT #3: Anyone who refers to themselves as a "legend" isn't a legend, especially if they actually believe they're a legend because of something they did in professional wrestling that wasn't that great in the first place.
MR HUGHES - WWF Superstar - Atlanta, GA - Rate: $350
If you want bodyguards, hire bodyguards. Curtis Hughes' last WWF appearance was a nightmare, and proof that losing 150 pounds doesn't always improve you as a worker.
"MR TECHNICAL" BARRY HOROWITZ - Florida - Rate: $300
I think Barry was making more losing every night on WWF TV than schlepping all over the country so people can be reminded that his gimmick is that of a born loser.
ROCK AND ROLL EXPRESS - RICKY MORTON [Bristol, TN] and ROBERT GIBSON [Pensacola, FL] - Rate: $300 each or $600 for the team
Times must be tough for these guys. Either that, or they're best friends. They'd better be- I can't stand to be around the same person for 15 hours in a row, let alone 15 years like these two. But $300.00 is a bargain for Morton, who if he's motivated can outwork any local crew you'd bring in.
SABU & BILL ALPHONSO - Sabu lives in Lansing, MI; Bill is in Tampa, FL - Rates: Sabu - $1,200; Bill Alphonso - $250
There is no way on Earth that Sabu will give you $1,200.00 worth of a wrestling match. And you can pay someone a tenth of what you'd pay Alphonso to blow a fucking whistle.
THE STRO - Formerly "THE MAESTRO" of WCW - North Carolina - Rate: $350
Did this guy ever actually wrestle in WCW or just do some backstage skits? And what's with the "Stro" nonsense? Is there a market for a conductor with "Attitude" (that Bill Conti is such a BAD ASS)? I hope not. If he was in a lineup I doubt 9 out of 10 people could pick him out as being the 'Stro, or the Maestro, or the Minstrel, or whatever.
"Tough Enough" CHRIS HARVARD - WWF/MTV "Tough Enough" Finalist - known as the HEEL of the show - Boston, MA - Rate: $250
"Tough Enough" JOSH MATTHEWS - WWF/MTV "Tough Enough" Finalist - the handsome FACE of the show - Chicago, IL - Rate: $250
"Tough Enough" TAYLOR MATHENY - WWF/MTV "Tough Enough" Finalist - the popular blonde of the show - Seattle, WA - $200
I hope after the stupid, unnecessary crap these guys had to go through last year (and even afterwards in Taylor's case) that they get twice what they're asking here. Talk about a ridiculous misinterpretation of the business, and you're talking about Tough Enough.
VIRGIL/VINCENT - NWO member, WCW/WWF Superstar - Pittsburgh, PA - Rate: $500
Delusions of grandeur, thy name is Virgil. If you're a wrestler, then your career, as I mentioned above, is bad enough when you're reduced to parodying another wrestler. It's even worse when your whole gimmick is based on an insider joke. For those who don't know, he was named Virgil after Dusty Rhodes' real first name and booked as the lackey to Ted DiBiase, the WWF's answer to Ric Flair. WCW, showing their maturity and ability to rise above it all, promptly signed him after his WWF release and named him after Vince McMahon so Eric Bischoff could circle jerk and say to his pseudo buddies that he's lording it over "Vince." Virgil/Vincent- a textbook description of a stooge. And he couldn't work his way out of a first grade math problem- this is a guy I'd pay $500.00 so he wouldn't show up and stink up the place.
I wish there was a
Kelley's Blue Book for professional wrestling, so I
could see what a wrestler was really worth before I booked him/her. Until
that day, caveat emptor.
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Jim has been watching
wrestling for over 20 years and has followed and reported on indy wrestling
for over 6 years. He's also a fan of the New York Giants, New York Yankees,
St. John's Red Storm basketball, Alabama Crimson Tide football, and the
New Jersey Devils, but please don't hold that against him.
Contact Jim at BilJim2@aol.com
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Previous Columns:
Watching Tazz is Tough Enough
Seven in Two
Getting Your Moneys Worth
How Not to Run and Indy
If That's What it Takes, They Don't Have It!
Customer Service in the Wrestling Business
Consider the Source
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The comments and statements do not necessarily reflect the opinions of
Brett Schwan and the Wrestling Clothesline (although many times, he comes
damn close!)
