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How Not to Run an Indy
Before I begin my column, I just had to write that I may be psychic. I've been lauding Xavier and his work for the past few months and what does ECWA do? Give him a share of the tag titles. Great move, and Low Ki definitely traded up from his old partner (more on that in my ECWA show review, also on www.wrestlingclothesline.com).
WARNING: This isn't for the faint of heart.
How NOT To Run an Indy
I've promoted about zero cards in my life. I've never been in the “locker room” before a card, I've never had to “book” a wrestler, and I've never made fliers advertising a card. So take what follows with that knowledge. However, I HAVE run many an event, I have organized many an event, and I have planned many an event. A marketing and communications background will do that to you. Combine that with a tested IQ in the three digit area, and I think I am somewhat qualified as to what to do and certainly what not to do with an independent wrestling promotion. So here goes…what not to do in order to run an indy.
Number One: DON'T LIE
Kayfabe is one thing. Outright lying to your fans to cover your collective asses is another. I'm talking about claiming to have someone booked when they were never booked. I'm talking about participating in something your “fans” might see as bad for the business and telling these “fans” how it was good for the business. I'm talking about telling fans who reserve tickets for a show that they are in a certain area and then putting them elsewhere.
Want examples of the above? Anyone who knows me knows I'm talking about, in order, Abdullah the Butcher, the NBC expose, and any New Jack City show. You can fill in the blanks as to which fed did which deed. The business is much more open to the public now than it was ten years ago and even five years ago. If you lie, you're going to get caught. And if you're caught in a lie, you look like a fool. There's nothing worse than a promoter that the fans cannot trust. Not good for business to say the least.
Number Two: DON'T WHINE ABOUT OTHER INDYS
Nobody cares what you think about ECW, NWA, PCW, ECWA, NWL, JAPW, EMLL, WPW, BTW, IPW, ISPW, WXW, Y2K, AAA, ABC, 123, DoReMi, or any other independent federation. The fans are there for your show, not to hear about what the other guys are doing. All your bitching is going to do is drive your fans to the other feds in droves.
I'm not calling a hotline to hear a promoter whine about another promoter. I'm talking to you, Ian Rotten. I'm not reading posts from people who think they're promoters bashing their rivals. I'm talking to that goof Eric Simms and his goof-in-crime Doc Diamond. I'm not listening after a 3 hour show to some promoter bitch about losing talent when they're not paying their talent in the first place. I'm talking to you, Rolo the APW Carny, and you're guilty of breaking every other rule I'm talking about in this column.
Number Three: DON'T TOLERATE NO SHOWS
This is something Ill never, ever understand. Someone no shows at my job and they'd better have a damn good reason for it. I cant imagine tolerating someone not appearing someplace without even the common courtesy of a phone call. FIRE THEM. They're fucking professional wrestlers. You don't get to do that, no matter who you are, and these days workers are a dime a damn dozen, especially on the East Coast. I donut care if it's the biggest draw in the history of the business. It's unprofessional, and it's gone on for way too damn long. FIRE THEM.
There's nothing worse than going out of your way to an indy show to find out the one person you came to see didn't even bother to let the promoter know they couldn't make it. FIRE THEM, and set an example. Tolerating this crap is the dumbest thing I've seen, and I've seen too many promoters do it.
Number Four: BE ORGANIZED
I'm talking about having things run on time, as scheduled. I'm talking about having things ready when they're supposed to be ready. Paul Heyman was the WORST offender here…I loathed sitting out in the freezing cold or the pouring rain waiting for him to get off his fat ass and open the damn Arena doors so I, a paying customer, could actually sit down and watch the product I was nice enough to pay to see. Advertising a show for 7:30 and then starting it at 8:20 is inexcusable. Who the hell does Paul think he is to think he can get away with that?? Bruce Springsteen might, and I mean MIGHT, be able to get away with it, but Paul Heyman isn't Bruce on his best day or Bruce's worst day. For all the ass kissing Paul Heyman did to the Internet fans and the Arena “faithful,” his lack of organization killed his promotion for this and several other reasons. I’ll never sit in the rain waiting on him or anyone else again, and neither will many, many others. Living Dangerously ’99 ring a bell? Kiss my ass, Paul Heyman. Congrats on getting a slot on RAW and being paid less than me to be in the WWF. What an accomplishment. Lets hope your shit’s together enough to book something that makes sense or get Brock Lesnarberg over.
Number Five: PAY YOUR WORKERS
Who is dumb enough to work for someone and not get paid? Who is dumb enough to accept less than what they agreed on previously to get paid? If I'm sweating my ass off for 15 minutes in an unair conditioned town hall I DAMN sure better get paid. This one is in honor of Sidney, the sleazy former wrestling photographer who slinked out of a Woodbridge, VA, show a few years ago without paying the workers, and of course, Rolo the APW Carny, who bragged in Beyond the Mat about paying his boys and was contradicted in the very next scene by Tony Jones, one of his own, most loyal workers, who said he often didn't get paid at all.
Have a system set up to pay your workers either in advance or right after the show. If it means setting up a chair and an ungimmicked table where you dole out the dough, then do it. But pay your workers. They're your bread and butter.
And if you can't pay them, DON'T PROMOTE THE DAMN SHOW. I'm talking to YOU, Ricky D'oh, who decided to have workers fly in cross country and not have the common courtesy or courage to tell them the show was canceled.
Number Six: SET THINGS UP BEFORE THE SHOW
This means making sure the vendors are there and that they know where they're going to be placed. This means having fucking FOOD. I’ll never forget a New Jack City show that not only had no DJ, but no food. That's the first and last time I order pizza for ringside from my cell phone. Next time I do it I'm sending the bill for the phone call and the food to the promoter. And I’ll be getting beer with that order, guaranteed.
And for God's sake, have the chairs set up before you let the people in! I'm not Union. I'm not getting my own chair or moving my supposedly “guaranteed ringside” seat just so some transient street urchins can sit and stink up the front row because you promised their moms and (sometimes) dads they'd see a rasslin’ show. I pay for front row, I get front row. That's not too hard to figure out, I think.
And finally, since it's my lucky number…
Number Seven: HOW ABOUT SOME RUNNING STORYLINES?
It makes no sense to have two guys in a “grudge match” one show and then a week later have them tagging at another show two towns over if you're positioning yourself as this "huge" fed.
Plan some matches out ahead of time. If you're following this plan, then you won't have to worry about no shows because Brutus Beefcake or some other washed up has been jabroni isn't going to be stupid enough to not bother getting out of bed to make the card. Get something going that might actually bring fans back to see the outcome. Hotshotting a match is good for one show, but then what? I’d rather see AJ Styles and Low Ki wrestle because of a specific reason, not just because they were the last two to get to the high school.
Seven simple things to avoid, yet time and again promoters do them over and over and over again. It's ridiculous. You might get the most naïve fans to ignore this kind of stuff, but I guarantee I won't be back at an JCW show unless I get a ticket from one of the workers and a free shot at that fat blimp Ricky D'oh.
Take a stand, and get it together. I guarantee success with this formula.
OK, maybe not.
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Jim has been watching
wrestling for over 20 years and has followed and reported on indy wrestling
for over 6 years. He's also a fan of the New York Giants, New York Yankees,
St. John's Red Storm basketball, Alabama Crimson Tide football, and the
New Jersey Devils, but please don't hold that against him.
Contact Jim at BilJim2@aol.com
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Previous Columns:
Watching Tazz is Tough Enough
Seven in Two
Getting Your Moneys Worth
