by Brett Schwan
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April 12, 2003... a date that will live in infamy. Well, ok, partial infamy. It was the day the Clothesline Crew decided to hit a double header of CyberSpace Wrestling Federation and Jersey All Pro Wrestling. On a day where there were at least 6 indy shows being run in NJ and PA, we chose JAP (due to the fact that their track record speaks for itself and they had Terry Funk) and we chose CSWF as it was 3 miles from JAP. You'd think we had learned our lesson, right? HA! I laugh at learning a lesson!
After a lovely ride from Long Island, into Belt Parkway traffic and to NJ to collect the majority of the crew (which on this outing consisted of Sidekick Ron and Frank, and non crew member but wannabe "JCW Sign Guy" Ladeas) we headed to the Center Circle in Rahway which was the location of the CSWF show. Upon arriving there we met up with Jim Brambilla and decided to track down the JAPW show since we had some time before the doors opened at 3pm.
One left and two rights later we found the Hungarian Club then followed Brams to "The Firehouse" for a meal since we had a LONG day ahead of us. Thank God for cute waitresses with a sense of humor or this poor girls would have hung herself with our shenanigans (I love that word). After lunch, we're off to the Center Circle for "Legendary Breakout".
3:05 and "doors" open. Signs on the table clearly stated $15 No Refunds (I wonder why?). Belltime was announced as 4pm so we found a nice set of seats in the front row and claimed our spots. It was difficult, as we were the only paying customers there so far. We waited. Watched some wrestlers walk around getting ready. Watched Smoke and Sinister X plan out there match in front of us. We waited. 4pm came along. We waited. 4:05... 4:10... 4:15 we started getting a little impatient HOWEVER, the gentleman who would later be doing commentary for the show did apologize for the delay. Kudos to him. We did a quick headcount.... 43. That's slightly less than the 70 something they drew at the last show. (Now I know I will be contacted and I will be told there were more than 43. I have 6 eyewitness accounts that at several points during the show, heads were counted and 43 was the highest we ever got. That does NOT include those who were seated that I know didn't pay as they were boyfriends, girlfriends or relatives of people who worked the show). Not to mention one of us heard the woman at the ticket table talking about the 22 advance they had. I honestly do not know why this show didn't draw more. Yes there were 5 other shows in the NJ/PA area but how did more fans that were going to JAP not know about this show? Or Why did those fans choose not to come if they did know? On the other hand, I honestly don't know how a promotion can put on an even less impresive show than their last one. Let the flaming emails commence. Here, I'll make it easy as, if nothing else, I pull no punches. WresClothesline@aol.com
4:20 the show begins. Sound system sucked. A bunch of guys, which included the apology dude, Larry Winters, and someone else got in the ring and basically ran down the card. I think that's what they said, we couldn't hear over the deafening roar of the 43 people in attendance. (actually, the sound system still sucked and it would all day). Blah Blah Blah out comes Firehawk and Vanity. Murmurs on the mic and Larry Zbyszko is introduced. Basically "The Living Legend" Larry Winters and "The Living Legend" Larry Zbyszko (whos speech about Vince and the WWE is the same he's done at every show in the past year) set up a match for later.
On with the show.... Your ring announcer, who never announces himself or his 7 Deadly Questions....Gerry Strauss.
Opening contest: Chi Chi Cruz v Striker v Rob Eckos. Eckos, who has a legit broken foot, came out on crutches. He announced his replacement as Nick Berk (the guy who's finisher is the Texas 2K2 even though it's now 2K3). Eckos is "funny as hell". Striker is hilarious and evidentally does not get mentioned on this site enough. Hell Striker... you're getting mentioned multiple times in this column alone!! Good match with Striker taking a seat from behind us at one point and sitting in the aisle watching. He promptly returned the seat in case the droves of fans needed it. Striker got the victory after some backfired interference by Eckos. Good opener. Should have stopped while we were ahead.
Blasphemy w/ Hunter Q defeated Kappa Tappa Kegga. The highlight was KTK doing a funnel. Until they spit the beer on Blasphemy. What a waste of good warm beer!! Destiny came out at one point but did nothing. Ref didn't do much either.
For the Hardcore Title: Jackie Dreamer defeated Tyrus (I think it was Tyrus, as it didn't look like Cyrus, and we couldn't hear the name). Typical harcore match minus the blood. Garbage cans, Nintendo, signs and the like were used. Dreamer pulled out a VCR from under the ring and shouted to the 43 fans "I got this on Ebay with a Pootie Tang CD." Unfortunately, out of the 43 fans...only 3 of them got it and that was after I explained it to 2 of them. (You know you wanted me to mention it Dreamer, so I did... just for you!). They brawled outside the ring and back in. Dreamer won. What a shocker!
For the Cruiserweight Title Shawn Sheridan defeated Dave Greco. Sheridan entered the ring to A Ha's Take on Me, high fived the crowd, told Brams he reads his column religiously (I guess he doesn't read mine. I don't blame him) and hit the ring. Four people sang along. Very good match. Great back and forth action by both men. This was one of the best matches on the card and both men deserve credit for giving it their all.
Joey Matthews, Hungarian Barbarian, and Crazy Ivan defeated Mike Preston, Damien Adams, and Kid USA. What a waste of Ivan and Adams. Both have come into their own as of late as decent singles wrestlers, especially Adams who had the match of the night last week on the WXW show. Typical 6 man with the ref being "distracted" by the faces trying to enter and the heels triple teaming. I never understood that, I never will. After the bout, Slyk Wagner Brown and April Hunter hit the ring and attacked Hungarian Barbarian and Miss Asia (who stood still at ringside with her Lurch look a like the entire match). I publically apologize to any other females in the indys that I may have ever called a 5th Ringpost (trademark Devin Sturgis) as Miss Asia has officially taken the crown. Slyk then challenged Hungarian. I assume this sets up a match for the next show.
We were then treated to an interview with Hot Commodity. EZ Money, Chris Hamrick, and Julio Dinero came to the ring to discuss their match later on in the show. Thank God all 3 have mic skills. Danny Doring came out and made it a three way match. Yes a three way match. Was that a three way? Yes, a three way.
Crowbar w/ Serena (who had no clue how we knew she made good brownies so... she asked us) defeated Matt Vandal. Even Crowbar couldn't carry this kid.
At approximately 6:30 Firehawk made his way to ringside. 30 minutes till about 1/2 the crowd is going to leave for JAP and the promoter has to come out to do commentary for the next match. Actually, I'm grateful he did commentary, as it meant we didn't have to watch him defend the SpankOutABatch.com Internet Championship. Larry Winters, who we assumed was the hell took on Larry Zbyszko, who was accompanied by Vanity. Vanity is normally with Firehawk, who is a heel, so who the hell is the bad guy in this match?? Winters was as red as a lobster as the tanning machine must have stayed on too long. I can honestly tell you that the majority of the males in attendance were more focused on Vanity than on the match. Firehawk hit Winters with the belt which allowed Zbyszko to gain the victory.
Sinister X defeated Smokey M. Smoke had to get on the mic and do his usual Rock paradoy. This match was to unify the CSWF and USWF Championships. Sinister X does have a great look and, I'm willing to bet, if given the right opponent can have a decent match. Sinister X got the win and both titles. But wait... Hunter Q, who wasn't good in his prime and is worse now, came out and got on the mic. Again, no one heard what was said but an envelope was given to Sinister X and Hunter Q took one of the belts. Great. A unification match with a screwjob false finish. Way to pay off on your promises. (As if anyone cares who has which belt).
Your main event was next (at 6:55) Chris Hamrick got so tired of waiting for Julio to stop talking he just walked to the ring and yelled "Come on already!". EZ Money and Doring followed. Hamrick told us he'd try and make it quick so we could go see Funk! Thanks Chris!! This was match of the night. Hamrick and Money combine comedy and wrestling like nobody else. Hamrick does not get the credit he deserves. Most of the match was Money and Hamrick teaming up on Doring then interrupting the pin. Julio did favor his Hot Commodity partners. Doring got the pinfall on Hamrick while Money was knocked from the ring. Great match.
We headed toward the parking lot as along the way, we picked up at least 6 other people who asked if they could follow us to JAP. Let the Clothesline Caravan begin.
Five minutes later we arrive at JAPW exhausted, as the last show drained us of life.
The Hungarian Club was packed with fans as Terry Funk signed autographs prior to the show. A little after 8, the card began (only late because Ref Hanson hadn't arrived from Philly yet and they didn't want to have to rely on the ref who gets jokes to ref the whole show).
Opening Match saw Striker and Ivan defeate Eddie Thomas and Corvis Fear w/ Church. Striker and Ivan are hilarious. Eddie Thomas is a very good worker and Corvis did a good job of playing up the fact that he did NOT want to be teamed with him and he wanted to win. Church did a great job keeping a straight face as I continuously haunted him regarding an upcoming show on Staten Island (see the events page for more info). Striker and Ivan won the match after Church ran in and destroyed Thomas. After the bout, Striker stopped to acknowledge the young lady sitting next to me who "wants to rape him". Go Striker!!
For the JAP LightHeavyweight Title Rain defeated Kruel in a very good match. Kruel worked on the arm for most of the match. Rain did forget to sell the arm as he used it to pick Kruel up to hit his finisher but, otherwise, it was very good.
April Hunter defeated Nikki Roxx in another excellent match. Both women looked amazing (and when do they not?) and busted their asses. April took the early advantage with some stiff chops. Nikki hit a japanese armdrag, an armdrag then (in Undertaker fashion) a walk up the turnbuckles to the top rope across the top rope, and a jump off into another armdrag. As a few morons in the crowd started chanting for puppies, April threw Nikki out to the floor (and I thought she killed Nikki in the process). The two beat the hell out of each other at ringside. April whipped Nikki into the guardrail. The puppy chants stopped and were replaced with applause. Back in the ring some more chops as the offense went back and forth. A nice suplex into a rollover for a 2 count. April finally got the 3 count and the win. This was one of the best matches I've seen April have. I've only seen Nikki twice but this was the best I've seen her as well. To all the other promoters out there, if you want 2 women wrestlers who can not only WRESTLE but are also HOT AS HELL. Look no further, April and Nikki!
The Dirty Rotten Scoundrelz were to face the Christopher Street Connection. However, the CSC called Frank on Thursday to cancel (a fact that he announced on his message board and in the program). They said if no one came out within 10 seconds, they were leaving. Enter Shaolin Wrecking Crew. At first, I cringed, as I've seen this match at least 5 times and haven't been impressed. Tonight was different. EC Negro is great on the mic. KC Blade takes hellacious bumps. And their facial expressions are priceless. The best match I've seen these two teams have against each other. Magic got busted open bye his right eye and was bleeding badly. At one point, EC Negro ran in and nailed Suba with the tag title DIRECTLY in front of REF HANSON who saw it and didn't know what to do (he obviously was not supposed to see it). Later in the match, as Hanson was watching Suba and one half of DRS outside the ring, the other DRS tossed the tag belt to Magic and dropped to the mat. Hanson turned around, saw Magic with the belt and disqualified the Shaolin Wrecking Crew. Bad ending to an otherwise excellent match.
Jay Lethal beat Dixie for the TV Title. Lethal and Dixie are both excellent wrestlers. Dixie hit Lethal with the Von Raschke claw hold and was able to keep it on for quite some time before Lethal was able to free himself. Lethal scored the pinfall. Another great match.
Intermission. So far not one bad match. Lawler is signing autographs.
For the JAPW Heavyweight Championship, Slyk Wagner Brown accompanied to the ring by April Hunter faced Mafia. Guest ring announcer did a good job. MATCH OF THE DAY. These two men beat the HELL out of each other. At one point, Slyk climbed to the top rope for a moonsault. Mafia got up and ran to the corner and nailed Slyk in the back. Slyk was knocked off the top rope, over the ringpost and to the guard rail at ringside. The two men fought on the floor and in the ring. With a little help from April, Slyk was able to gain control until Mafia hit the burning hammer. Slyk kicked out. Slyk took control and was able to hit his finisher. Mafia kicked out. Mafia set up Slyk, seated on the mat in the corner. He covered Slyk's chest and face with 5-6 steel chairs. Mafia then ran from the other side of the ring and hurled himself full force into the pile. Slyk looked dead. Two count as April was able to point out that Slyk's hand was in the ropes. Slyk made it back to his feet and pummeled Mafia some more. Slyk was whipped into the turnbuckle where he leaped up, did a backflip and was caught in the Burning Hammer for the pin. The crowd errupted as both men got a standing ovation, and rightfully so. As I said before, this was the Match of the Day and BOTH men get my respect. Congratulations and thank you Slyk and Mafia.
The main event saw Terry Funk take on Jerry Lawler. To be honest, I was not expecting much out of Lawler. I was wrong as he turned it up. Punches flew before Jerry threw Terry to the floor. Terry began to throw chairs into the ring. Terry entered the ring again and Lawler pounded him some more until he was busted open. They fought to the floor where Lawler piledrove the bloodied Funk to the floor. Terry started calling Lawler a son of a bitch as the fight continued. Lawler then hit 2 piledrivers in the ring. He yelled "No one survives three" but Funk backdropped him, then yelled mockingly "no one survives three". Funk then hit 2 piledrivers of his own. Terry got a table and propped it up in the ring. However, Lawler was able to piledrive Terry on it and score te pinfall. The match was over but Terry wasn't as he went nuts and attacked Lawler and finally threw him from the ring. Lawler left to a standing ovation as Funk remained, bloodied, in the ring to a standing ovation. Another great match.
Kudos to JAP, Fat Frank, and all the wrestlers on the card. Not one bad match and a hell of a way to end a very very long day. Only these guys could help us catch our second wind after being totally drained from the earlier show.
JAP will announce their return later this week so check out their site at JAPW.net for more info!!
OK, it's not wrestling related but come on!! It's Jason Vorhees' mom!!!!
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Contact Brett Schwan at WresClothesline@aol.com
